PO Box 306, Glasgow, G21 2AE, Scotland


Celtic Dragon ; Celtic FC DVD/ video; 80 minutes approx; £10.99

It's surely time to put a stop to this annual DVD-video thing. If nothing else the quality of these productions is certainly proving the law of diminishing returns. It has surely reached its lowest ever point with the release of an effort entitled 'Remember Remember OUR Two Wins in November'. Had this appeared in the pages of NTV as a parody of last season's pathetic Rangers cash-in on their two wins over Celtic it still wouldn't have been that funny. Yet, we're assured by one of the View's regular columnists that it was all a big joke (one that backfired spectacularly as the adverts for it on the big screen appeared as the Hoops were being ignominiously beaten 1:0 by Dunfermline at Celtic Park).

If these two victories against - officially - the worst Rangers team of all time had been in the least bit memorable it might be understandable that one or two fans who can't access television coverage in this country might be willing to part with the tenner required to vicariously relive the experience. But it's no fun any more beating Rangers. It happens more often than not these days. Let them embarrass themselves with such risible productions in future.

If you still feel as if you must slavishly throw away a perfectly good tenner in order to buy absolutely everything that appears as official merchandise then please, have a lie down first before thinking it through and deciding to give the money to a more deserving cause this festive season. There are plenty deserving charities out there who can put your money to better use than the Celtic commercial department if this is the kind of guff they're going to churn out. In order to raise money for said charities I'm going to phone those responsible for 'Remember...' and offer to tell them a few really good jokes. But only if they give me a tenner first. Shameful.

Which brings us on to the other Christmas release making the shelves of the Superstore groan. Last year we had 'Sutton Impact' - which must have sold in its tens since it's being given away free with every purchase of the new one (I knocked mine back!) - a depressingly tawdry look a stunning career and this year we've got Celtic Dragon a snapshot, no expense incurred look at the goalscoring career of John Hartson.

The fact that this was produced while the rotund poacher was stuck on 99 goals says it all.

Beyond the fact that it contains 99 goals for Celtic and a hefty blast in Rangers' direction due to the failed medical at Ibrox there really isn't that much to recommend this effort. Neil Lennon and Ryan Giggs are wheeled out to praise Hartson to the heavens but curiously there isn't an appearance from Martin O'Neill.

WGS appears though and is quite good. Strachan was the manager who sold Hartson to Celtic in 2001. His story of how that sale came to pass will probably be the only thing that the viewer wouldn't already be familiar with.

What more can be said about this? Even the music sounds like it was cast off from a particularly low-budget Hammer Horror production. You might have thought that the producers would have tried for some Manic Street Preachers or Stereophonics as a Welsh tie in, but that kind of effort simply isn't there.

For final proof of the lazy nature of the production look no further than the extra feature entitled Goal, goals, goals! This is simply the main feature without the interviews or the commentary!

Expect this to appear on Christmas morning from a relative who really didn't know what else to get you.

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