SPL Saturday 3rd January 2004

Celtic 3

Rangers 0

1:0 Petrov 19
2:0 Varga 60
3:0 Thompson 84

Att: 59,087

MIB: Stuart Dougal

Celtic: Douglas Agathe Varga Balde McNamara Petrov Sutton Lennon Thompson Larsson Hartson
subs
Miller for Hartson 71

Rangers: Stefan Klot, Michael Bollocks, Hanginaround Berg, Clog More, Fernando Erection, Gavin Injurae, Peter Lovencrap, Bob Malcolm, Mikel Atitty, Chris Berk, Shitey Arvaladze. subs: Michael Mouldy, Nuno Verygood

Oh my how we laughed. 3:0 up everyone in green singing about how easy the game had been when suddenly Arveladze runs through on Douglas and shoots, only to see it come thumping off the bar and away to safety. The perfect end. Although not for the hun sitting right next to the line of stewards separating the two sets of supporters. For him that was the final straw. He leapt to his feet and began ranting, shouting and leaping up and down like a bigoted version of Zebedee from the Magic Roundabout. My poor sides.

Talking of poor sides Rangers don't exactly take a lot of beating these days do they?

Ignoring all the blah blah about injuries who from their team would you have in the Celtic line-up? Klos? Great keeper, never misses a cross. Never comes for one either, but that's a different story. Disagree? Take a look at Celtic's second goal; two headers, both in the six yard box. Klos nowhere to be seen. Think Rab Douglas would escape without criticism if that had happened in our box?

After the game McLeish had clearly drowned his sorrows in something a bit stronger than Lucozade. What else could explain his 'We were the better team until they scored' Remark? Better team? Sober up.

Rangers paraded their new injury victim for all of 30 minutes: 'Welcome to Ibrox Gav, fancy getting gubbed by Celtic?'

His removal was actually brought up in evidence by some reporters attempting to explain why the Ibrox boys had been so comprehensively stuffed. Mols' introduction allowed dance fans to marvel at his Flattley-esque feet of fire - especially when he fell over them two seconds after coming on to the pitch.

As for Celtic, every player played their part, no one let us down and the goals were well worked. Petrov's diving header was marvellous, especially for the heartbreaking way it crept over the line. Varga's set piece had been long overdue given the massive height advantage we had, and Thompson free kick wrapped up the Goal of the Season competition for another year.

Will Thompson wind up playing in England's World Cup qualifiers? Think about who he'll be playing against. Especially away from home. But that's an argument for another day.

11 clear. Party on guys.