SPL Sunday March 10th

Rangers 3

Celtic 2

0:1 Sutton (1); 1:1 Moore (10); 2:1 De Boer (35); 3:1 Mols (39); 3:2 Hartson (60)

Att: 49,874

MIB: Kenny Clark

Celtic: Douglas, Valgaeren, Balde, Laursen; Agathe, Lennon, Petrov, Sutton, Guppy (Thompson 52); Hartson, Larsson

666 is the number of beast. Six games since we last cuffed TFOD, six times for OFM to rub the Cat in the Hat's nose in the Govan litter tray and six times too many to stomach for any Hoops fans.

This was a flashback of the worst possible kind. Like an episode from the Outer Limits, Celtic were haunted by a 'spawny' keeper; only this time the 'flying pig' was not the one in the women's knickers, but one dressed in shorts fit to grace the Munich Beer Festival. As Goram haunted Tommy Burns, so Klot has come to haunt OFM.

This particular afternoon of infamy, saw Celtic get off to a flyer, as Sutton silenced the massed sectarian choir in the Govan Stand, with a goal in 18 seconds. This was a new Old firm record and served notice of the pooh lining the pants of Eck's XI rearguard. The stench of excrement soon faded as the Sieve got in on the act.

Serenaded by the adoring fans, they fell asleep at a corner, leaving Rab D as exposed as Jamie Theakston's ass on a Bondage bench. All it took was for the ball to bounce off the malformed head of an Ibrox Orc and TFOD were level. Cue ritual sacrifices at a Lodge near you and it wasn't long before it was the Sieve Act 1, scenes 2 and 3, as the Cloven Hooves sailed into a two goal lead.

The response from the rest of the team was manful. The half could easily have finished 3: 3 had Klot not brought off a point blank save at close range from a Hartson header, while a bad spin off a post prevented Celtic from scoring another. Celtic rallied in the second period and Thompson brought off another spectacular save from Klot with a long distance drive.

On the hour mark, however, Hartson finally managed to get Celtic's second, but it was all too late. The Cloven hooves just herded themselves around their 18 yard line and occasionally broke. They even managed to give us a laugh, when Amadiddy actually managed to put a shot on target from distance. This result cost Celtic top spot in the table and owes as much to a lack of fitness in Larsson, who was obviously still recovering from illness and from minds set on Europe.