SPL Sunday September 30th

Rangers 0

Celtic 2

0:1 Petrov (12); 0:2 Thompson (90)

Att: 50,097

MIB: Kenny Clark

Celtic: Douglas; Balde, Mjallby, Valgaeren; Agathe, Lambert, Lennon, Petrov (Moravcik 71), Thompson; Sutton, Larsson

High Noon at Rancho Notorioso and high hopes for the Hoops as they set about rounding up Dirty Dik's band of cloven hoofed bandits and heading off their league challenge at the pass.

It only took twelve minutes before the little genital had a noose around his neck after Klot fumbled a Petrov shot in to the net.

With the fat lady in the saloon in full voice, it took the blue nosed bandits a full 60 minutes to get a shot on target. Celtic were coasting it. Obviously feeling their euro-exertions, Agathe and Thompson looked below par and the amount of possession left to the Dirty Dick's Desperados would have been worrying but for Lennon and Lambert constantly herding them into a midfield coral blocked off by Mjallby, Valgaeren and Balde.

While TFOD were as effectual as a fart in the face of a Hurricane, Larsson and Sutton were breezing about making Dick's donkeys look more leaden footed than usual. Once Henke had squandered one gilt edge chance the inevitable happened as the Ibrox inept clattered all and sundry. It's a miracle that Larsson as able to walk off the pitch unaided at the end.

Amoruso, labouring to contain Larsson, displayed all the grace of a drowning donkey and eventually conceded a penalty. Klot and Lambert then indulged in a bout of WWF in the ensuing melee as despairing Desperados closed in on the prostrate Larsson from every point of the compass.

Amadiddy was duly red carded, only for Henke to miss the spot kick and taunt the demon spawn with the hopes of an equaliser.

The introduction of Lubo rubbed salt in the open football sore that is Rangers. Chances fell to Agathe, Lambert and Lennon and were all squandered before Thompson waltzed around Diks entire rearguard and bent the ball past Klot for number 2.

Cue fighting in the Copeland road stand, laughing in the Broomloan and a taxi for Advocaat.

Rab Douglas becomes only the second ever keeper in Celtics history to keep two consecutive clean sheets at Ibrox, and this is probably the only place where you’ll read that. Some in the media, even after this game, can’t resist the chance to cast up 5-1 to him.

As for Thompsons goal? Well some in the media give it as much as one sentence all to it’s wee self, whilst others simply noted that “Thompson scored with a right foot shot late on”. Allow yourself for a moment to imagine the hoo-ha if GasBag or Bazza had scored that goal.

Exactly, when would we have heard the last of it?

Special mention needs made of aeroplane antics and their subsequent reporting by Hacks. Such antics are anathema to any decent Celtic supporter and do not deserve further comment. So too are racist taunts at Bobo Balde, casually ignored by the same Hacks, and the continuing sectarian abuse that spews from the Ibrox terracing.

When, one asks, will these be addressed in the same vein?