SPL Sunday April 28th

Hearts 1

Celtic 4

0:1 Lynch (12); 1:1 Fuller (34); 1:2 Lynch (42); 1:3 Maloney (51); 1:4 Maloney (66)

Att: 12,391

MIB: John Rowbotham

Celtic: Gould, Wieghorst, Kennedy, Boyd; Smith, McNamara, Healy, Sylla, Guppy; Lynch, Maloney

Celtic's reserves proved too much for the maroon balloons as they consigned Craig Levein's Gorgie Ghouls to yet another season of SPL mediocrity.

It might have been the threat of holding hands with Jambo mascot Hearty Harry that allowed OFM to inspire an excellent display from his fledglings, which included a return to duty for Morten Weighorst and Colin Healy. Hearts, as expected, were overawed at the sight of players able to walk on two legs and still kick a ball. Lynch, Maloney and Smith were waltzing around Swinecastles simian defenders, who were left looking ( literally, except for Mahe) like King Kong swiping at biplanes from the Empire state building.

It took all of 12 minutes for Lynch to put Celtic one up and ready the troops for the goal feast to follow. Fuller, Hearts' only player of note, pulled one back on the half hour mark, before Lynch netted a second as Smith ran the Jambos ragged.

A sublime Maloney free kick early in the second period, followed by his second after the hour, went unanswered by Levein's Lothian losers, who had the audacity to concede a penalty in the dying minutes. To cover their embarrassment, Maloney and Lynch engaged in a schoolyard scuffle over who was going to take the kick. Maloney won out only to miss and save Hearts from their usual 5 goal pasting from the Tic reserves.