SPL Saturday December 29th

Dundee United 0

Celtic 4

0:1 Hartson (4); 0:2 Petrov (27); 0:3 Thompson (47); 0:4 Larsson (71)

Att:12,165

MIB: John Rowbotham

Celtic: Douglas; Mjallby,Valgaeren, Crainey (Tebily 61); Thompson, Lambert (Maloney 77), Lennon (Petta 71), Petrov; McNamara, Hartson, Larsson

Press predictions that OFM's bubble had burst were soon consigned to the Bin for Boozed up Hacks' Hallucinogenic Hopes for 2001.

The Celtic backlash from the Dons debacle was immediate. Minus Sutton and Valgaeren, OFM drafted in Crainey and McNamara for a traditional Tayside clog-fest that saw Celtic kick more sand in the faces of the Arabs than you would find in the Sahara.

The Hoops were one up after five minutes following a Hartson strike and would have been two up in ten minutes were it not for a Hartson header being chalked of by the assistant MIB. The reasoning behind this decision escaped all but Nostradamus, who predicted such a display of total incompetence by a minion of a secretive brotherhood.

All to no avail though, as Larsson seems to have recovered form, which meant he ran the Arabs as ragged as the Little Genital's hair weave. Stan netted number two before half time and the rout continued in the second period with a superb Thompson free-kick and a Larsson solo.

The United response to all this was to clog and clatter anything in the Hoops, with Lauchlan, Miller, Hamilton and the MIB main offenders. Hamilton's challenge on Crainey, which saw the Celtic player stretchered off, was worthy of Souness. He wasn't even cautioned for this when he should have seen red. Only the Grand Lodge or Nostradamus knows why.

Played off their own midden the Arabs slinked away into the urban desert wastes of Dundee, thankful that it was only four. Meanwhile, Celtic's ship of the desert sailed on across the sands to rousing choruses of "tell all the Huns you know, they'll never sell Ricksen or Flo!"