letters 146

stuffed suits and dodgy dealings

Dear NTV,

The following is a letter I sent to Celtic FC's 'Grass on anyone selling things not made by us' hotline, Brandprotection@celticfc.co.uk , after reading an article on their website called 'Celtic Counterfeit Crackdown' ( www.celticfc.net/newsroom/news.aspx?id='2006-05-11_1045pc') I hope you may find it of interest and perhaps also make it public in your magazine.

Dear sirs,

'CELTIC joined forces with Manchester United and Greater Manchester Police in a successful anti-counterfeiting operation at the Roy Keane Testimonial at Old Trafford'

When I read this article, I thought you had caught a bunch of thieves selling fake tickets. I was quite disappointed to find that you were confiscating Celtic scarves, T-shirts and flags from traders trying to make a living, helping to spread the green and white colours far and wide.

Not only do you make enough money from sales of tops and scarves, gate receipts etc. etc., but these so-called counterfeit goods allow people who cannot afford the official merchandise to support their club with pride.

Additionally, these traders were bringing these goods direct to the people of Manchester.

Were they in competition with a team of your own salesmen who were also trading at Old Trafford? I don't think so.

So, contrary to the principles of free market economics - that is price, supply and demand - what you actually did was steal goods belonging to other people, in order to keep the price high for your own goods. This is not the Fair Play I expect from the club I support, nor does it encourage me to favour official merchandise.

How can Celtic FC criminalise and confiscate from those who sell Celtic scarves and flags? It seems the club founded by Brother Walfrid for the ordinary people of Glasgow (and in the spirit of brotherhood with all men) has been hijacked by a bunch of faceless stuffed suits interested only in lining their own pockets.

My Mum made me a green and white scarf on her knitting machine. Do you want her address so you can come and arrest her?

One disgusted bhoy,
Mr. S. MacDonald,
London [end]

It does seem strange that the club which once supported Sinn Fein (Our own selves) now encourages people to become informers against traders selling decent goods to willing customers at a fair price.

It also doesn't say they were selling replica shirts, just Celtic scarves, T-shirts and flags. You cannot trademark the word 'Celtic' any more than you can the word 'Africa', nor do Celtic FC own the shamrock, or the Irish flag.

I am pretty disgusted at this kind of conduct by the corporation that used to be our football club. Yours faithfully,

Sammy Bhoy
by e mail

respect

Dear NTV,

Your readers might be interested in an interview with one-time Death Star midfielder Mikel Arteta that was posted on an Everton fan site recently.

Part of it went as follows:
Q. Mikel are you a born again christian?
A. I am catholic. But I have always been catholic. The people at Rangers didn't really like it, so I had to be respectful.

Respectful??! Another example of Murray's mob getting away with it more like.

AJ
by e-mail

(full interview can be found at http://www.evertonfc.com/news/index.php?page_id=9776)s

David Murray in can't count shock

Dear NTV,

Recently the Glasgow Herald ran a very positive story on the day Paul le Guen officially started the French Revolution at the Death Star.

Nothing wrong with that, of course. In fact, I think the papers should run more stories about what a wonderful job the Frenchman is doing as I don't feel that the press here are giving him enough credit for some fantastic victories against the likes of Linfield.

However, there was something in the quotes from David Murray as he introduced the new boss that didn't quite add up.

The piece starts 'David Murray proudly unveiled the third manager of his 18-year chairmanship of Rangers'.

Let's see, Murray took over in 1989 so we have had:
1991 - Wattie the Bingo Caller
1998 - The Rug
2001 - The Cat in the Hat
and now Le Pew.

Does that add up to three?

Murray is then quoted as saying: 'I am not used to not winning trophies. This is only the second trophy-less season since I took over'.

Let's see:
97/98 - Celtic win the League Cup and the Title, Hearts win the Scottish cup. Rangers nowt. 2000/01 - Celtic win the lot. Rangers zip.
2003/04 - Celtic win the double, Livi win the League Cup. Rangers hee of the haw.
Last season - a repeat of 97/98.

Does that add up to two?

Is Murray counting the Kelvin Hall 5-a-sides of 1998 and 2001 as trophies? Is he counting the trophy they got from UEFA for winning 50 Scottish league titles - a world record, even more Scottish league titles than Real Madrid. Maybe that's one.

They also won the Heroes Cup, a competition for the two most unsuccessful entrants in European Cup history, when they beat Linfield. Maybe that was another.

Murray was also wrong about last season. Rangers won a trophy for being the first ever Scottish side to make it into the last 16 of Europe's premier competition. I'm sure they got something for it.

It's not even close. That's four seasons with a bare Blue Room and redundant cans of Mr. Sheen out of the last nine, nearly fifty percent.

With arithmetic skills like this no wonder they can never get a definite figure on how much debt they're in.

Still, they soon won't have any trophies. I believe they are about to announce a deal with The Trophy Centre for a few million quid to fund Le Guen's war chest. The Trophy Centre gets the rights to all Rangers trophies for an initial payment and thereafter pays for each trophy Rangers wins at the end of that season. This might help fund next season's Russian revolution when Murray announces the new manager.

Yours etc.
YURI NUMPTEE
Siberia

To See Ourselves As Others See Us...

Dear NTV,

Once again I find myself e-mailing you about the behaviour of some of our fans. With Rangers receiving bad publicity over their support's foul songs, the hacks were watching us like hawks so that they could trail out the 'Old Firm, Two sides of the same coin, Ugly sisters of Scottish football' headlines.

And pray tell what did our lunatic fringe do? Yes, you've guessed it, played straight into their eager hands.

At Old Trafford I sat with Man United fans as our supporters belted out that undeniably sectarian ditty 'Roamin' in the Gloamin' and when asked what they were singing, I shook my head and said 'You don't want to know.'

We are fast losing friends in England with our tired old republican ditties in places which were bombed by the IRA.

Two days latter, I'm at St James' Park. Great atmosphere to honour a great player and all we bring to the party is 'Sean South and the Boys of the Old Brigade.

I held my head in my hand as Geordie fans glared at us with looks ranging from bemusement to outright hostility.

It's time to get real guys because we are in severe danger of becoming as bad as the very people we so often deride in NTV.

Moral high ground ? I think not.

I know so many decent Celtic fans who despair at the antics of some of our fellow fans. Everything we built up in Seville and 50 other super trips in Europe is being sullied by the antics of a minority, and sadly it's a sizable minority at that.

Celtic are 118 years old. Isn't it about time we left the ghetto and lived up to our creed? NTV is now a strapping teenager, isn't about time you told your readers in plain English that this nonsense has to stop? Name the songs that are out of order, get the real fans writing new ones and stop us being tarred with the very same brush they are, however belatedly, using on the Rangers daft squad.

Padraig O'Murnane
Glasgow

Shearer Testimonial

Dear NTV,

I would like to thank Celtic F.C. and your wonderful supporters for your contribution to a fantastic night at St James Park. You helped generate an amazing atmosphere that will live in my mind for the rest of my life.

Regards ,
Dave Gallon
(Newcastle Fan)

P. S. All the best for next season

whit ur ye dane?

Hail Hail NTV,

Thought you might like this cartoon from one of the national newspapers here in Denmark.

The wee boy in the drawing is saying, 'I don't think I want to go down there...!'

In actual fact the article, which is a report on the recent convention in Benidorm, goes on to say that although the fans were loud, drank a lot and sang for the best part of twelve hours a day - sometimes frightening the kiddies - they were well behaved, polite and a credit to the club they support.

This was the general opinion of the Danish tourists in Spain.

Yours in Celtic
PADRAIG SMITH
Odense

Murray Park continues to work wonders

Dear NTV,

As someone who takes a passing interest in emerging young football talent in Scotland I was interested to see the respective squads that were announced for the Under-21 and Under-19 summer internationals.

Our own David Marshall, Gary Irvine, Charlie Mulgrew, Paul Lawson, Rocco Quinn and Mark Wilson were all named by U21 coach Maurice Malpas for the games against Northern Ireland and Turkey.

Scott Fox, defender Scott Cuthbert and midfielders Simon Ferry, Charlie Grant, Michael McGlinchey and Ryan Conroy were included in Archie Gemmill's squad and for the games against Belarus, Bulgaria and France.

The Murray Park conveyor belt rolled off the impressive total of two players, one of whom, Ross McCormack has subsequently left Ibrox.

Maybe they should just play all the internationals at Barrowfield?

Regards
LORD BADEN TOWEL
c/o the Hotel Pool