reader's request

Dear NTV,

In NTV 142 you had an article called 'Fixture Poser.' At its conclusion the author - George of the Jungle - implied it was a certainty that Celtic would be asked to play yet another home league game on a Wednesday night after the league split. True enough we have been scheduled to play Kilmarnock at Celtic Park on Wednesday the 3rd of May.

If he is always this accurate in his predictions can you ask him to supply some horse racing tips in your next issue as I need the cash to buy my season ticket for next year.

Aye Yours G Ambler
by e mail

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not sound

Dear NTV,

I was very interested to read on the BBC Sport website on Monday April 17th the SFA reaction to UEFA's condemnation of sectarian chanting by Rangers supporters during both of their games against Villareal.

What fantastic news! The bigots have had their day. No more Billy Boys and FTP. Sanctions impartially imposed. I can already hear the groans coming from Kinning Park. Hold your horses. It must be a dream. I'd better pinch myself.

How is all this evidence of discriminatory chanting going to be gathered? Can we find a sound engineer at Queen Margaret Drive who's up to the job? Will they 'lose' the evidence?

I can almost hear the excuses already. The microphone was faulty. It was chucking it down. The heterodyne magneto unit went into feedback mode. The rain in Spain...

Meanwhile, Masonsport will be giving away free DVDs highlighting the best bits from the Celtic End.

I moved away from Scotland in 1969 along with hordes of other Tims looking for work, fed up with the endemic job discrimination at the time. I also stopped believing in the tooth fairy ages ago. I fear a deaf ear, blind eye and blue nose will be applied once again. I can also smell a rat or two. The Pied Piper will bring everyone back. Damn! I seem to have lost my flute.

Nothing will change.

Yours etc.
Mohammad Padraig Sugar
Pravda Correspondent
Milton Keynes

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rangers not guilty?

Dear NTV,

Congratulations on another great issue and a high quality maintained in both the writing and the content! You may be interested in this letter below I've sent to 'The Guardian.' It's a spectacular vindication of the reason why all football fans need to read NTV.

I hope you follow up the original article. What about a few spoofs- Rippers' victims half to blame for own deaths- Pope to be investigated for being a Catholic- Some Iraqis suspected of enjoying being tortured- Ibrox to host vigil for world peace. No! You're right too surreal! Real world is bizarre enough.

Martin from Manchester.

Dear Guardian,

Buried away on page five of the sports section yesterday you report the 'not guilty' verdict on Rangers' fans chants during their last European matches. Your reporter rightly highlights the surprise this verdict will cause in some quarters. However, both the verdict and the spurious reasoning were totally anticipated by anyone who knows anything about how Scottish football and the media work.

In the Celtic fanzine 'Not the View' dated 5th. April their reporter noted: 'UEFA's current investigation into the endemic sectarianism at Rangers seems to have deeply affected the Scottish Media... instead of commenting on the investigation...... have tried to drag Celtic into the debate.' And later in the same article 'can't punish one without the other will be their mantra, even if Celtic are guilty of no crime.'

Cue UEFA spokesman William Gaillard: 'If we had found Rangers guilty, then we would have been accused of being discriminatory. There were already a lot of people asking why we were looking at Rangers and not Celtic.'

Perhaps because Celtic fans and the Celtic club is not only not guilty of sectarianism in general but has a long European record of exemplary and UEFA recognised good behaviour. Ask some Villarreal fans for example. And don't try the ruse of painting Scottish fans as troublemakers in general; Celtic fans keep getting accolades for their world recognised bonhomie. Who does that leave as the problem?

How about 'The Guardian' pursuing this a little further in the interests of all of us. An issue your reporter notes 'must be stamped out of European football.'

Martin McArthur
Manchester

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Handless

Dear NTV,

Saikin dou?

With reference to issue 144, page 7, and the lack of applause in respect of the memory of wee Jinky from that person in the Rangers dugout. Rumour has it he actually drives the team bus and only plays one tape. Anybody guess? A clue: something to do with his father.

Another tale is he actually refused to drive said vehicle as when he turned on the ignition the dash board lights lit up GREEN. I hear that Parks had to pay a mechanic to scrape the paint off as blue lights don't exist.

He also doubles as the kit hun but not, apparently, if your name was Judas Johnston. Not even rags or sackcloth got put out for him.

Rumour also has it that he puts a picture of Lizzie on top of the hampers on entering Paradise and pins it up in their dressing room.

Get delving and expose this clown.

Yours etc.
Dixie
by e mail

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respect

Dear NTV,

With all this stuff about the Death Star working hard to get rid of the bigots in their midst, you might be interested in an interview that appeared recently on an Everton website with ex-Rangers player Mikel Arteta.

One of the questions put to him was, 'Are you a born again Christian?'

Arteta's answer was, 'I am Catholic. But I have always been Catholic. The people at Rangers didn't really like it, so I had to be respectful.'

Respectful!

Another example of the manky mob getting away with it. Any hack who has the balls will ask Le Guen about his faith when he joins the Huns... I might just get in there and do it myself.

Torquemada
by e mail

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it's a miracle!

Dear NTV,

I have attached a photo (below) of the statue of St. Barr which stands on an island in the middle of Northbay on the Isle of Barra.

It seems there was a miracle following the game against Hearts last Wednesday. It's actually a rather good fit, wouldn't you agree?

Yours in the Hoops,
Gerard MacDonald
Isle of Barra

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honest mistakes - different perspectives.

Dear NTV,

I have to say that a demented paranoiac like myself finds it interesting that a refereeing mistake that cost a team a goal in a game where they were soundly beaten 4-1, the result of which had absolutely no bearing on the destination of the league title, should result in a grovelling and unreserved apology throughout the tabloid press from the official involved.

It should be noted that the refereeing mistake in this case favoured Celtic.

Strange then that in the case of an even more blatant refereeing mistake that effectively handed one team two points, in a title race that was ultimately won a margin of one point, no apology or even admission of error should be forthcoming from the offical(s) involved.

On the contrary, the full weight of the Scottish media went into overdrive with smoke and mirrors and a campaign to discredit the complaints of the injured party including calls for a hefty punishment to be meted out for daring to question the integrity of the official involved. By sheer coincidence this refereeing mistake favoured Rangers.

Who would've thought?

Abe Lincoln
by e mail

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impartial

Dear NTV,

I was interested to read the reasoning behind the Football Association replacing Mike dean with Alan Wiley as the referee for this season's cup final between Liverpool and West Ham.

Because Dean comes from the Wirral, which they have deemed sufficiently Scouse to almost count as Liverpool, they reckon that while they have 'complete faith in Dean's refereeing ability, integrity and impartiality,' nonetheless, '...Given the huge interest in all aspects of the FA Cup final, the fact that he is from the Wirral might lead to comment and debate.'

In other words, just in case anyone accuses him of being a Reds supporter the best thing might be to appoint somebody else.

You can just see this kind of thing catching on up here can't you? Nah, me neither.

Whistler's Mother
by e mail

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you're in my heart

Hello Celtic Family and Friends,

I am Musah Peaceman Mumuni. I live in a town called Walewale in the northern region of Ghana. I am very much lovely in football. I love Celtic football Club in my heart since 1999. I love the club very much in and around my vicinity, but I have no current information about the club.

I sometimes have previous and recent news about the club I love most when I only come to the city, which is almost six hundred kilometres from my town.

I had a friend who worked in Ghana in a regional capital in the Volta region. He is Chris McCann. It was this man and two other guys who fed me with Celtic news on their performance. I was in the city recently and I heard about Celtic's three-nil victory against Dunfermline and most painfully about the death of a Celtic legendary Jimmy Johnstone. Well, I do not know him since my birth. I am only concerned because I am a Celtic fan and therefore I am sending my condolence to the family and Celtic fans. May his soul rest in perfect peace.

I cannot stop loving Celtic. I love them all. Sometimes when I hear the club loses a single match then I become sick. I love the club very much. I love the playing body, the management, the support base and all bodies that make the club successful in all means.

If I had wings I would fly to see my lovely club playing against any team in Europe. I really love the club. I am sending this letter through this Celtic magazine or any organisation to know about my sweet love for the green and white club. I am also a Borussia Dortmund of Germany and Barcelona of La Liga fan but Celtic is the best I love.

I love the club naturally. People around my town know it and I am simply known as 'Celtic' or 'Green and White'.

I am finally appealing to anybody who loves the club in his or her heart to send to me anything about this Celtic club which I best love. I love the green and white boys. Oh Celtic, I love you guys.

With this, my letter, I beg any Celtic fan to respond to me. Long live Celtic. Long live Scotland. Long live Green and White.

Musah Peaceman Mumuni
c/o Mr. Inusah Sabani
Regional Education Office
Post Office Box 1906
Kumasi
Ghana
West Africa

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