letters 136

public enemy

Dear NTV,

To ease the burden on SFA's disciplinary regime, and to assuage the Scottish media's hunger for Neil Lennon, NTV would be offering the public a service were you to launch a petition for the early recall of parliament for the reinstatement of the death penalty and the temporary suspension of habeas corpus. This would permit natural justice to be administered.

To make it a revenue earner, and for added titillation, Camelot could introduce a one-off lottery, profits being used to buy additional flutes, the winner being entitled to deliver the coup de grace, and 40 runners up each being entitled to administer a single vinegar coated lash at the Castle Greyskull public flogging, where season ticket holders would have first call on seats at preferential rates.

Stuart Dougal, ably assisted by Andy Davis, could be invited to make the draw live on TV Lottery Extra, Saturday edition - they'd probably have to attend a meeting on Wednesday evenings.

Sure Lennon was a bit of a silly billy who deserves a punishment for being sent off, but where is the perspective? The press haven't salivated as much since ... since... well since the evil machinations of Chris Sutton on the last day of the season at Rugby park in 2003.

As a further bonus this initiative would move the Lennon issue more to the front pages of the newspapers, thereby freeing the back pages to concentrate on another excellent performance from an outstanding Rangers team. The Celtic fans and players need to relearn their place, and to grin and bear injustices silently.

Incidentally, has the SFA announced yet that Stuart Dougal is to be been given the Cup Final?

TOM D
by e-mail

earache

Dear NTV,

Scottish football has many problems, lack of money being the most obvious and in light of this fact I was quite willing to subscribe to Setanta for SPL coverage despite their own production team admitting it falls a long way behind Sky TV's coverage of the Premiership.

However, I have cancelled my subscription after just one season.

Surprisingly, this wasn't because of the poor quality of what was on show or the dreadful production quality, the embarrassing credits and graphics or even the shoddy organization (which left poor little Juninho looking round for his bottle of champagne after he was awarded the man of the match following his Celtic debut against Rangers). No, I have cancelled my subscription because I am no longer willing to listen to the verbal diarrhoea that passes for commentary from their resident huns Brown and Hateley. The back up in the studio isn't much better with Craig Burley doing his best to disguise the fact that he ever pulled on the hoops.

The culmination of last season didn't help but it wasn't made any easier listening to Brown (left) and Hately (right) obviously jumping out of their seats. What ever happened to commentators being impartial?

My decision was confirmed recently while visiting the pub to watch the recent old firm game at Ibrox, my ears were physically hurting listening to the pish that was being spouted about Diddy Poorshow, Brown might as well propose to this guy as he spends most of the game praising him for skill he just doesn't process. The flipside to this is Hartson whose scoring rate should make Poorshow hide his face in shame hardly receives a word of praise from Brown.

Anyway I now listen to the radio via the Internet, which isn't a whole lot better, but at least it's cheaper.

Forever in HOOPS

L. Calderwood
Surrey

shame on them

Dear NTV,

I am writing to you after watching two of the worst performances by a Celtic team in living memory.

I have been reading the Web-site celticquicknews.co.uk since the Artmedia game and there is a lot of sensible debate going on about the arguments on the appointment of Strachan. This is an excellent site where you can air your views with fellow Tims and get to read a lot of excellent articles by paul67.

All true fans should vent their anger about the team on these types of web-sites rather than the Phone-ins with Anti-Celtic bias such as the Daily Retard 'Hotline'. I would ask NTV to bring back a new version of 'They Shamed The Hoops', only this time naming the so-called fans who phone in the Retard's 'Hotline' slagging off the Bhoys.

Lads, you Shame the Hoops when you pander to this kind of anti-Celtic agenda. Wake up and stop buying papers like the Record. I do not buy it but will have the odd look at it on the web. Save your hard earned cash and read proper Celtic minded forums like Celticquicknews, you won't regret it.

Hail Hail!

Tony Rooney
Greenford.

chump-ions league

Dear NTV,

If we were in any doubt of the differences between ourselves and our knuckle dragging friends from Kinning Park please note the following advert from our works classifieds.

Return Flights - Much Cheapness
Description Unwanted flight to Porto, Work mate (Rangers fan) booked flight for 1 hour after kick off time! Call for details Price 2 Gingies

Hope this made you laugh as much as I did.

SCOTT HOOPER
by e-mail

lad o' perts

Dear NTV,

Further to the Reverend D. Wayne's letter in your last issue concerning Gordon Strachan's book 'Jesus The Master Builder', I'd like to draw your attention to another string the wee man has attached to his bow.

The enclosed cutting from the Edinburgh University 2005-06 open Studies prospectus (below) seems to suggest that WGS has another alternative career, 'interpreting strong esoteric links between Christianity and Islam' then delivering lectures about them.

Maybe future lectures could be on the subject on the esoteric links between the Celtic board and a mythical biscuit tin?

Hail Hail

DAN BROWN
Edinburgh

dark days ahead?

Dear NTV,

I am a Celtic fan fed up with all this 'don't blame Strachan' nonsense.

Yes, we all knew our defence needed tightening up, but in case most Celtic fans I have read in the papers and Celtic official website are unaware, Gordon Strachan signed two of our current back four in Camara and Telfer. From what I saw of the Artmedia game, Camara was at fault for three and Telfer for one of the goals in the 0:5 thrashing, so GS made three bad decisions; signing these two players then playing them both together!

To all those people saying 'give Camara a chance to prove himself', he has had at least the last 10 years to prove himself in the lower leagues in England which IS Scottish Premier league standard. Has he done it? Look who Livingston just signed from England's FOURTH DIVISION from my local team Oxford Utd, Dave McKay, straight into their team against Rangers at Ibrox. Other players to leave Oxford recently to 'do the business' in Scotland Derek Townsley, Derek Lilley, also ex loan player Ritchie Foran.

Gone are the days when the cream of Scottish players come south to further their careers in England's top flight. It is now roles reversed. England's 3rd and 4th division players heading North to ply their trade in Scotland's Premier league!

I went through the dark days of the 90s as a Celtic season book holder (1 of 6,000 then). I fear those days are on the way back again if things continue. I wonder how many of the current 53,000 will still be renewing in the next few seasons. Let's cut our losses with GS. Let's get in Sir Bobby Robson, a respected manager who has many t-shirts with 'been there done that'

Could you ever see GS being employed by PSV, Barca, Porto, Sporting, Newcastle, and England as Sir Bob has?

I'm sure Martin O'Neill was very clever getting out when he did. He knew as well there was never going to be any money to spend on team building, and that is why I reckon he was off. But then again I'm sure he would never come back with Dermot and Brian about.

JOHN DORAN
Oxford

The Blame Game

Dear NTV,

A small but vociferous element among the Celtic support seem only too happy to blame the team's exit from Europe and defeat at Ibrox on the manager, WGS. As one who thinks that WGS will turn out to be an excellent Celtic Manager I'd like to put the case for the defence. All I ask is that those who are only too quick to criticise WGS answer the following questions honestly:

1) Is it the fault of WGS that Celtic had to play in the qualifiers for the Champions League? Was he in charge when they lost a 5 point lead with 4 games left in the SPL last Season and thus finished 2nd instead of 1st in the Championship race?

2) Is it the fault of WGS that so many first team players' contracts finished in the Summer and they were thus able to leave for free under the Bosman ruling?

3) Is it the fault of WGS that Jackie McNamara wasn't offered a three year contract last Summer? Can WGS be held responsible for the fact that MON regularly talked about awarding Jackie a new contract from December onwards but did nothing about it?

4) Is it the fault of WGS that Bobo Balde was given a new contract on huge money, back in January, with a clause that allowed him to leave for free if another club signed him before the end of August?

5) Is it the fault of WGS that the team that reached Seville were never replaced? Is it the fault of WGS that some of the Seville players were put on such lucrative contracts that made it unlikely they will ever be sold?

6) Is it the fault of WGS that two of the most experienced players in the squad let the club down when they were red carded against Rangers?

Final point for the defence - MON inherited a team that included Mjallby, Larsson, McNamara, Lambert, Petrov and Moravcik. In addition he was given over £20m to spend in his first 12 months in charge. What exactly did WGS inherit and how much was he allowed to spend?

If after answering yes to the above you still think WGS is entirely to blame for team's poor start to the season then I'd suggest that you'll never be happy with him even if he manages Celtic to a Champions League win.

For the rest of us - the majority, I'd like to think - we will give him the time required to make the long overdue changes that are needed if we are to progress in Europe and regain dominance in Scotland.

Yours etc.

S Pepys
by e-mail

virtual reality

Dear NTV,

In September last year David Murray announced his latest rights issue and told Lodge Laptop that he intended to make Rangers 'virtually debt free' in a year. One year on and they have announced that their debt is currently standing at £23 million. Does this count as virtually debt free?

If it does then would the press kindly stop printing scary stories about Celtic's debt, given that our debt figure is 'virtually' the same.

JOHN MAYNARD KEYNES
Virtual Cyberspace