they love the hoops?

Dear NTV,

On a recent guided tour of Celtic Park, my attention was drawn to two seats in the South stand bearing the names of Rod Stewart and Billy Connolly. The gift of seats for life had been presented as a reward for both being celebrity fans who had opened the new Celtic Park and East stand respectively. Since that sun-drenched game against Newcastle, Rod has yet to return to his seat while Billy has been seen at the odd Old Firm game and Championship party. Celtic diehards? You're having a laugh.

Although recognising that certain celebrities enhance the profile of Celtic, I mostly doubt their fanaticism and motives for supporting the club. For many years football icons such as Ian Rush and Mark Hughes have been prattling on about being Celtic fans and yet since their testimonials against, guess who?, they have never been seen once at Celtic Park. This duo was not alone in procuring Celtic for their big payday, eulogising over 'the best fans in the world.' Nelson, O'Leary, Robson, Giggs - you're having a laugh as well.

The appointment of Irishman Martin O'Neill allied with RTE and Sky's increased coverage of Celtic games has seen a phenomenal upsurge in Celtic's popularity in Ireland. Consequently it is now common for many Irish footballers to claim Celtic as their boyhood heroes, forsaking all others. We are led to believe Gary Kelly has a season ticket; Damian Duff orchestrates singsongs on the Blackburn Rovers bus, and Liam Miller is apparently a Manchester United fan. Arguably Ireland's greatest living Celtic fanatic, Roy Keane, revealed in his autobiography that he had leanings towards Tottenham Hotspur as a child. Although Keane can be pardoned for this indiscretion, his audacious declaration that he would like to end his career at Celtic was both arrogant and presumptuous. I concede that like many Irish footballers, Gary, Damian and Roy do support the club, but a childhood love of the Hoops? You're having a laugh.

The most annoying purveyors of this Celtic fan nonsense usually appear in contrived articles in the Celtic View throwing cliches out like confetti or are paraded at half-time with newly bought green and white scarves above their heads. On a list that is diverse as it is infinite, personal favourites include, Noel Gallagher, Frank Carson, Jimmy Nail, Gerry Marsden, Shane MacGowan, Steve Collins, Fran Healy, Gil Scott-Heron and Westlife. In the late 1990's, amidst a ludicrous 'take over' plan also involving Bill Gates, Eddie Jordan and Kenny Dalglish, rock star and Celtic visionary Jim Kerr was responsible for revealing one of football's best-kept secrets, Bono was a Celt! 'One Love'? U2 are having a laugh.

From the day he made his humble but stirring address to the faithful outside Celtic Park to the Treble and Seville, Martin O'Neill has continued the legacy of Maley, McGrory and Stein and has made Celtic one of the most glamorous and romanticised football clubs in the world. The downside is that this club has suffered more than most from opportunists and charlatans. They love the Hoops? They're having a laugh.

JOHN MOLLOY
by e-mail

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rip-off

Dear NTV,

A few weeks ago I ordered a catalogue from the Celtic superstore. About a fortnight later I received a big colourful brochure of nearly 100 pages. But when I had a look inside the catalogue I became quite angry as I think most items in it are over-priced.

For example, on page 23 there is a basic white t-shirt with a 'subbuteo style' print on the front for just (!!) £19.99. How on earth can they justify charging nearly twenty quid for little more than a plain white t-shirt?

In my opinion Celtic Football Club could do much better than ripping-off its faithful supporters when they want to buy a souvenir of their club. As far as I know Celtic were founded to support the poor and needy and not to make people even poorer. I think Celtic should go back to its roots and sell souvenirs at much more reasonable prices.

Until that happens I'll definitely be avoiding ordering overpriced souvenirs from club shops.

Best wishes,
BERND STEFES
Germany

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x-rae

Dear NTV,

Now that Rangers have signed Gavin Rae and Alex Rae, surely the next logical step is to tempt Jesse Rae out of retirement and into the famous light blue Diadora jersey?

All kidding aside, I can see why David Murray is insisting the Cat sign all these players called Rae. It also fits in with their alleged attempt to sign Prso and their eagerness to tie Klos up on a new contract.

Think about it. It's clearly another brilliant cost-cutting measure. At £1.25 a letter, it costs less to print their names on the back of the jerseys! By saving a few quid on lettering the back of the strips they'll soon whittle that seventy million quid down to something a bit more manageable.

Don't laugh. Every little helps. It could also signal the end for Khizinashvili!

Yours in the Hoops
THOMAS FLYNN
Glasgow