letters 110

spl poser

Dear NTV,

I have written to the SPL, Celtic and The Sun and still have not been given an answer to the following very possible scenario regarding the fast-approaching league split. Maybe you can help clear up the confusion.

If Dundee finish in top 6 at the expense of Hibs then the following scenario will result: Celtic will have Hearts and Dundee at home, Rangers, Killie and Dunfermline away. Rangers will have Celtic, Killie and Dunfermline at home, Hearts and Dundee away. So no fixture manipulation required.

However, if Hibs finish in top 6 at the expense of Dundee which I suspect will be the case then: Celtic would have Hearts at home, Rangers, Killie, Dunfermline and Hibs away. Rangers will have Celtic, Killie, Dunfermline and Hibs at home, Hearts away.

However, according to the SPL web site everyone has to have at least two home games after the split. Hibs and Kilmarnock are OK as they have at least two home games.

So either of the following sets of fixtures have to be reversed: Dunfermline v Celtic, Rangers v Hearts; or Dunfermline v Hearts Rangers v Celtic.

As both Hearts and Dunfermline are pushing for European slots and as Dunfermline had to play Celtic away three times in the league last year switching the old firm match to Parkhead seems the fair thing to do!

I would appreciate it if you could clarify this matter for all Celtic fans anxious to know exactly how the SPL will decide which fixtures to switch. There is no doubt that the decision could have a large bearing on the destination of the championship this season.

Kind Regards
MARTIN McCONNACHIE
by e-mail

speedy ref

Dear NTV, With regard to Hugh Dallas being fined £250 for speeding on the A9. Poor guy. Since when did 86 mph get viewed as speeding on the A9? Cops are far too harsh. Arrest and charge these f***ers who think it's reasonable to drive at 30mph thus causing huge tailbacks.

Dallas has my sympathy on this one.

SPEEDY FERNANDO GONZALES
by e-mail

ticket woes

Dear NTV,

Here's a copy of an e-mail I sent to Celtic ticket services after having bother getting my seat for Liverpool game at Parkhead. I hope you can draw it to the attention of your readers:

Dear sir/madam, I recently came down to the park last week to queue for over an hour and a half for my tickets for the Liverpool game. I eventually had to go home urgently so I really stood in the cold for nothing for an hour and a half.

I eventually got through on the phone the next day after trying to call for days, getting an engaged tone and holding for about 25 minutes by the time I managed to get through. When I eventually got through I asked about how many people were on phone lines only to be met with a cheeky answer, that being ,'I'm not telling you.'

Surprised at this Ii asked again and the 'lady' replied , 'I've already answered your question'.

In the end she apologised for being so rude after I explained I was asking a valid and very legitimate question (considering the amount of time I had spent trying to get tickets) as to how many people were on the phone lines to take phone bookings, reminding her that a huge amount of fans do not live within easy access to the ground and do not have the facility to wander down and queue for their tickets. My point being that there should have been an adequate amount of staff on phone lines to cover this Obviously there wasn't as 25 minutes on hold is testimony to. Imagine being on hold on a mobile for this time - it would have cost over £10.

I then inquired about online booking something I have been informed that you have been able to do on the Rangers website for two years now. The answer to this question was that , 'it's part of our long term business strategy.' Put better than a politician. Really it means we're doing nothing about it just now.

I think that Celtic's service is so antiquated it's got one of those ZZ Top beards on it. One reason for online booking not being available was that , 'People could go into the map of the park and pick a seat in any area, buy it and see the game from better seats than they have'.

Now, call me an idiot but if the system is so hard to set up why do Rangers have it? There are a couple of ways round this: 1. Send out tickets to the address of the season ticket holder applying online then if it's a bogus application they won't get the tickets anyway as they will go out to the person whose name is registered for that seat. 2. Ask people booking to use their member numbers on season tickets. 3. Only send out tickets to the address of the credit card holder booking tickets but not if it's different from address on season book. (This is what ticket centres do - if you book tickets for a gig by credit card then they only send out the tickets to the cardholders address) this also stops online fraud.

Come off it Celtic. Keep up to date with the technology. This will help fans outside Glasgow (those in England, Ireland and the north of Scotland who travel to games and cannot easily take a trip to Parkhead to queue like a robot round Celtic Park on a cold evening for up to three hours for the privilege of paying £25 for their ticket for their seat.

Celtic are definitely being left behind here. Remember what happened when we won the league in the centenary year and didn't strengthen the team - we were left behind for 9 years after, lost fans (who also revolted causing the overthrow of the board) and ultimately for yourselves -LOST MONEY. Please reconsider online ticket booking being part of your long term business strategy and place it high in the priority list. You owe it to a lot of fans.

Yours faithfully
JOHN WINSLOW
by e-mail

lookalike

Dear NTV,

Has anyone (apart from his agent) noticed the resemblance between Amaloser and Liam Neeson in Star Wars?

And speaking of reality checks, next time the Kinning Park nature reserve denizens grunt abuse at Bobo Balde or Momo Sylla. Why don't we hold up silver foil to show them themselves as they really are?

On the bus home I saw an advert saying It's a Hoopy Old Life. A message from above or just what ad men call 'More bhang for your buck'? We're on our way to Seville, we shall not be moved!

Yours in (numberless) Hoops,
B. DOCHERTY
Swami Das Nupha Datt.

racism and rangers

Dear NTV,

Anyone who wants to complain about the racist abuse our players get from the huns then contact K.I.O. giving the games it happened in - There is a catalogue of incidents reported already to show that they've been at it for years, and I'd suggest that Celtic fans should be letting K.I.O. know that last week wasn't an isolated incident.

Tell everybody else who cares about this to do likewise. Contact Kick it Out by phone: 020 76 84 4884 or email : leon@kickitout.org

They will take it up with Rangers and if they don't comply they could take it to UEFA.

Yours etc.
THE BHOY BANGRA
by e-mail

stookie

Dear NTV,

With regard to the letter in NTV 108 from Bernd Stefes in Germany. On the subject of Stookie, this is the same actor who played wee Burnie's pal in Rab C Nesbitt in the early 90s. He also had a part in Braveheart at one of the battle scenes.

The wee man can be found in a famous Gallowgate hostelry before and after most home games along with other famous regulars Peter Mullan and a guy from a Tartan Special advert from the late 80s and the dark skinned actor from BBC Scotland's 'smash hit' River City.

I made the mistake one evening of asking 'Stookie' if it was him who played wee Burnie's pal in Rab C - funnily enough he didn't look to pleased to be reminded!!!

ALLAN McGOWAN
Paisley

readers record tips

Dear NTV,

Having saved and saved and saved for new wooden floor panels, I discovered that I couldn't afford the expensive underlay. I searched every bin in our area for discarded Daily Records until I had enough to give me a 6 inch cushion in my living room.

In years to come when I lift the wood panels from the floor I will be able to look back and read how biased the Daily Record were against Celtic.

Yours Faithfully
Mr. Tim Ber
Linoleum Close
RUGby

dreams and songs not to sing

Dear NTV,

With regard to 'You'll Never Croon Alone' in NTV 108 you stated that the track called 'Big Jock Manager of Celtic' from the Album 'The Holy Ground of Glasgow Celtic' went to the tune of 'The Billy Boys'. This insinuates that the morons who sing this can compose music. Not so.

The tune that the Huns stole is an American Civil War number called 'Marching Through Georgia'.

Alas, as you point out, the track entitled 'Celtic - The Bhoys' does indeed go to the tune of 'the Sash'. Unfortunately.

Yours etc.

ANNE O'RACK
The Decomposing Composer
Georgia (on my mind)

boycott ticket competitions as well

Dear NTV,

While we're all hopefully boycotting the Record, I'd urge all supporters not to take part in competitions to win tickets for big games, as run by all the national newspapers.

We wouldn't buy tickets from touts, so why should we line the pockets of these companies? What they're doing with the tickets is little better. Wherever they're getting them from, the likes of the Record/ Mail are offering fans the chance to win one by phoning a premium rate number. They must be making more than a grand on the tickets they're touting.

Don't do it Bhoys and Ghirls. You might have to watch the game on the telly but at least you won't be funding the likes of the Record.

Yours etc.
DAN FLASHMAN
by e-mail