hackwatching

ntv survey 2009

“What’s all this?” We hear you cry, “is it already time for another of your in-depth surveys, which, let’s face it, are little more than excuses to wind up the huns and have a good moan?”

Well, yes it is. It’s been five years since the last one and a lot has happened in the meantime. The last time we did one of these Celtic had just beaten Boavista to qualify for the final of the UEFA Cup in Seville (wipes nostalgic tear from eye before returning to keyboard), MON was still the manager and we had just parted company with Chief Executive Iain MacLeod (who he? Ed).

So, in the interests of genuine scientific research, as well as indolent curiosity, we’re asking you to stop letting the devil find work for those idle hands of yours and fill out the answers to as many of the following questions as you can be arsed to.

As an additional incentive - and in the possibly forlorn hope that we might get a bumper mailbag with enough replies to make this exercise worthwhile - we’ll put all the completed replies into George of the Jungle’s dandruff-infested Celtic tammy and draw out a lucky winner who’ll receive an NTV goody bag.

Send completed surveys to the usual address. If you don’t want to rip out the pages you can download a version from our website (www.ntvcelticfanzine.com) or send in a photocopy. Don’t forget to include your name and address.

 

1. If you had to congratulate the board for one thing what would it be?

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2. If you had to pick a bone with them what would it be?

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3. If you could direct a question or a comment to the board at the next Celtic AGM what would it be?

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4. In general, how do you feel about the direction the club is heading under the stewardship of the present board of directors?

very happy
reasonably happy
not sure
reservations
serious reservations

Comment: ____________________

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5. Use the following scale to rate each of the categories below:

1 = very happy
2 = reasonably happy
3 = indifferent
4 = quite unhappy
5 = very unhappy

Atmosphere for SPL and other domestic fixtures
Atmosphere at big matches and European games
Stadium catering
Approaches to the stadium
Transport links to the stadium
Stewarding
Season ticket prices
Club’s attitude to fans
Celtic ticket services
Celtic’s official programme
Celtic View
The official website

Comment: ____________________

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6. Using the same scale of 1-5 above, how would you rate your attitude to the first team management?

7. What would you suggest to enhance the atmosphere inside Celtic Park?

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8. Celtic have tried a variety of pre-match and half-time ‘entertainment’ over the years, such as Stars in their Eyes etc. Ideally, what would you like to see happening on the pitch at half-time?

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9. Which player in the domestic game would you try to buy for Celtic?

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10. Which international player would you attempt to buy?

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11. Which of our current squad would you cash in on in the coming summer transfer window?

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12. Rank our top 5 players this season:

1. ___________________________

2. ___________________________

3. ___________________________

4. ___________________________

5. ___________________________

13. rate these players using the following scale:

5 = Indespensible
4 = Useful squad player
3 = Jury’s still out
2 = Slightly better than a man short
1 = Taxi!

Boruc
Brown M
Caldwell
Hinkel
Kennedy
Loovens
McManus
Naylor
O’Dea
Wilson
Doumbe
Caddis
Crosas
Donati
Hartley
Maloney
Brown S
McGeady
Nakamura
Robson
Flood
Hutchison
Hesselink
McDonald
Samaras
Sheridan

14. Rank the following clubs in terms of their detestability, where 1 is pretty close to Rangers and 10 is almost tolerable and their ground in terms of an away trip:

Club H factor Away day
Aberdeen
Dundee United
Falkirk
Hamilton Accies
Hearts
Hibs
Inverness
Kilmarnock
Motherwell
St. Mirren

 

15. Which is your favourite English team (if any)

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16. Which is your favourite continental team?

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17. which ref would you most like to see thrown to the Galatasaray fans?

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18. And finally, your nominations for the Hackwatch Awards 2009:

THE ‘HELP ME GET THE REMOTE OUT OF THE TELLY SCREEN’ Award for the TV football pundit most likely to have you tuning in to the QVC Shopping Channel.

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THE ‘MARCONI YOU BASTARD’ award for the radio pundit who you think has done most to hammer a few nails into the coffin of that particular medium.

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THE ‘FFS MELT HIM DOWN FOR GLUE’ award for the football pundit who has most outstayed his welcome.

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THE ‘JIMMY OLSEN’ award for the pundit who has come away with the widest off the mark story.

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THE WINALOT FOR LIFE achievement award for services to Rangers (any medium).

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THE ‘PASS ME THE AQUALUNG’ award for the hack furthest up David Murray’s rectum.

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The ‘UNCLE TIM’ award for the pundit who should be on our side but has taken the shilling.

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The ‘BEST OF A BAD BUNCH’ Award.

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Thanks for your time. we need your details if you want to win a prize. Don’t worry, we don’t pass your details to anybody else.

NAME: _______________________

ADDRESS: ____________________

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