hackwatching

PET NAMES FROM THE WINALOT KENNEL

Had a free Daily Rectum PM shoved into my hand one evening in February.

Back page has us fining Artur £100K. This provides some good biscuit tin copy as we are told “the club have raked in a staggering £265,000 in player sanctions under Strachan”

How do you “rake in” money you already paid out? If I pay you a tenner then take 2 quid back for my bus fare, does that mean I’ve “raked in” £2? That’s definitely Enron school of accounting.

And the ‘we deserve better’ mob wonder how the hun finances got into such a state on the Scottish media’s watch!!

Reference to our manager as “Strachan” is also interesting. Contrast with the other back page story, a fighting talk piece as “Boydy” sets his sights on twin targets. Yesterday they were talking about “Big Tel” in some puff about the Caley ths/scotland assistant manager. Fast and loose with the pet names are the laptop loyal when it comes to hun managers and players “Wattie, Big Tel, boydie, burkey, Big Eck, coisty, flecky?! contrast with “Strachan, O’Neil, McGeady etc.”

Anyway “Boydy” is revealed to be “hell-bent on righting two wrongs in Sunday’s O** F*** showdown” The two “wrongs” being not scoring at Celtic Park against Celtic and not beating Celtic at Celtic Park. Tony Haggerty stops short of explaining why this is an outrage against natural justice though. The rest of the piece can be summarised as “Come on Boydy get it right up these tims we know you can do it!”

I also learned a few things about some team called “the O** F***” in tonight’s Daily Rectum. 1. Apparently this O** F*** team are screwing up SCotland’s international team although the Rectum doesn’t say whether this is fue to the O** F*** withdrawing all of their players

From the rent-a-hun/hack-pretending-to-be-a-tim hotline:

2.The O** F*** are skint, hence one Oscar Wilde wannabe referring to them as ‘the skint firm’

3. Some guy who’s name rhymes with Shrek, took a dive, scored a penalty and plays for the O** F*** so will get a call-up for Scotland

4. Hibs should buy Neddy Novo to get it up the O** F*** who are always stealing players from other clubs

Round-up of the rest -

-Artur should be sacked and charged by the police for assault why are Celtic different from any other workplace? (as if NoSurname would be frogmarching Davie Weir to the polis station by the earlobe if he gave wee Shrek a slap)

-Artur and Aiden should join the army if they want to fight ( a bit of a contrast to the ‘Walter has me pinned to the wall’ stuff we have been presented with over the years which has been spun as a masterpiece of motivational management technique)

-Gordon Strachan past his sell-by date and should go now

-I’m a Celtic fan and wouldn’t put Monopoly money on Celtic to win on Sunday

-Celtic team gone stale time for a fresh approach with a new manager

Someone is even quoted questioning why Celtic fans are making so much fuss over the THG/Aiden storm in a teacup. This is what we’re up against in this country.

Number of quotes urging Rearrangers to sack their manager = 0
Number of quotes bemoaning substandard Rearrangers first team/staleness = 0

Must be a big game coming up soon.

Finally re the ‘Sir Minty double bluffed Celtic by saying they needed to sell players,’ well I have my own double double bluff conspiracy theory...

Celtic, knowing that Minty was bluffing then played our own bluff by not buying big in the transfer window to allow TFOD a chink of light and therefore taking the wind out of the “we deserve better” campaign to make sure Minty’s regime is propped up for as long as possible.

Well it’s as feasible as Chick being a St Mirren fan.

More paranoid ranting available at www.celticparanoia.blogspot.com

 

TONY BANANAS & HACKWATCHER