hackwatching

daily record heaps praise on rangers

Monday 25 Feb - Evening Times back page headline was “Strach claims Celts aren’t lucky”. This is the umpteenth time we’ve been presented with this kind of guff after Celtic score a late goal.

Number of headlines in the press about Rangers being lucky after scoring in the last minute against ICT = 0

Add to this the nuclear meltdown in the press including the Sun’s headline “I DIDN’T TOUCH CELTIC CON MAN” after the St. Mirren game. The Express joined them in the gutter with am ‘I DIDN’T TOUCH HIM” back page banner. Interestingly the Express also carries a photograph of the incident that wouldn’t look out of place in Strictly Come Dancing. Didn’t touch him indeed?

I feel a Chris Sutton four game ban coming on for questioning the integrity of a fellow professional... Sorry that was an alternative universe I was thinking of. Seriously, I think the club should consider legal action over the CON MAN headline.

Incidentally Rangers were awarded a free-kick of the “Andy Davis” variety for a clean tackle on Darcheville against Falkirk at Ibrox a couple of weeks back which led to their crucial first goal. The Gers showed little sign of adding to this tally until Darren Barr of Falkirk had an aberration in 2nd half injury time to gift them a second. Quite an important error there by the referee that changed the outcome of the game I think you would agree.

Number of headlines in the press regarding this (never mind CON MAN headlines) = 0

Another piece of spin in the Evening Times (25 Feb) - whilst we were ‘struggling’ to beat St. Mirren with a ‘controversial’ free-kick that Naka ‘manufactured’, the Gers were ‘winning in style’ by 4-2 against a team who can hardly manage to pay their players. Recent inductee to the Laptop Loyal, Alison McConnell, commented “Rangers uncharacteristically slipped two goals to Gretna at the weekend”

Well actually...far be it from me to suggest that a member of the Laptop Loyal might ride roughshod over statistical fact to put a positive spin on a Rangers story, but let’s have a wee look at some stats:

Rangers have conceded 2 or more goals on 7 occasions from 38 matches in all competitions this season, including 4 in one game against Hearts.

Celtic’s ‘shaky’ defence have conceded 2 or more goals on 6 occasions from 37 matches and have never conceded more than 3 goals in one game.

Allison also tells us that Rangers currently have 62 points which is the exact same total as Celtic had at this point last year, and assures us that Walter demands his Gers squad keep up this high standard.

Of course you remember that when Celtic had 62 points this time last year we were really disappointing, couldn’t hack it in Europe, were really boring to watch and only winning the league because every one else was so crap.

Feb 29 “RANGERS’ TEAM SPIRIT IS TOP CLASS, SAYS CHRISTIAN DAILLY By Gary Ralston
CHRISTIAN DAILLY moved to one of the biggest clubs in Britain and immediately felt he had joined pals for a kickabout in the park. The Scotland star has been at Ibrox for only a month but already reckons he has the secret of the success he hopes will see him add to his sparse medal collection.”

Brilliant! Any excuse for a bit of “Rangers massive club” copy, with a bit of “adding to the trophy collection” in there for good measure.

And if that wasn’t enough, the Rectum enlightens us to the fact that the Gers’ recent performances have been pulling in new fans from around the globe:

Feb 29 “BORDEAUX CHIEF HEAPS PRAISE ON RANGERS STAR JEAN-CLAUDE DARCHEVILLE By Ewan Smith HOTSHOT Jean-Claude Darcheville’s former boss last night praised him for putting the sparkle into Rangers’ chase for trophies on four fronts. Bordeaux president Jean Louis Triaud compared the Frenchman to a bottle of champagne because both are so bubbly.

And he isn’t surprised the striker has become such a massive hit with Ibrox fans. Darcheville bagged another double in the 4-0 rout of Hearts to keep Rangers four points clear of Celtic at the top of the SPL table and maintain their challenge on four fronts.”

A “massive hit”? Monseuir Triaud would be surprised if he found himself present at Ibrox the next time “Bubbly” misses an open goal from two yards out against European opposition. The hack in question would have done well to have changed the title to “DAILY RECORD HEAPS PRAISE ON RANGERS” in the interests of accurate reporting.

More paranoid ranting available at www.celticparanoia.blogspot.com

 

TONY BANANAS & HACKWATCHER