Public warned of nerve irritant danger

WORLD EXCLUSIVE
By Findlay Findlay

Following the discovery of deadly toxic chemicals in London Last week, Strathclyde Police have been alerted to a similar deadly terror in Glasgow.

Police were called to an address in Ibrox in the early hours of this morning and uncovered a similar toxic chemical to the one found in Wood Green. Detectives had been concerned at the movements of people from the Ibrox property and made a swoop in an undercover operation.

Following the swoop and the seizure of the toxic chemical, police discovered flight tickets to Dubai in the middle east. It is thought that up to 20 people of dubious virtue and limited intelligence are involved, and that the toxic substance originated in the Netherlands.

Strathclyde Police have so far refused to give much detail on the raid but an unnamed source believed that forensic scientists had tested the toxin and confirmed that it was "RICKSEN".

A forensic scientist confirmed that this chemical was extremely Harmful to sportsmen in particular, and a severe irritant to the public in general. The specialist said: "I would strongly advise everyone to keep well away from 'RICKSEN'.

More new signings coming soon

EXCLUSIVE
by Findlay Donald

Rangers boss Alex McLeish confirmed yesterday that if the Gers' two trialists shape up in training he will have no hesitation whatsoever in not buying either of them.

"It's true that money is tight round Ibrox at the moment, but the only thing that will count with regard to whether I sign these players is ability... and at the moment we don't have any ability in the bank. Just ask the accountant."

The players on trial are Arnie Gonnaebuyme from Denmark, and Jerome Gissajob from France.

McLeish said, "It's true that neither of them have played first team football for a year or two, but they're both great lads and they're desperate to sign for Rangers. In fact they're desperate to sign for anybody."

The two players are available on favourable HP terms until the end of the season but are worth £4 million each.

No, honest, they are.

Seriously... (cont. on page 94)