PO Box 306, Glasgow, G21 2AE, Scotland
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The
Govan Bugle
incorporating the Daily Ranger and the Scottish Hun |
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| issue 2 |
April 2001
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Gayle in cult shocker
The football world was rocked to its foundations yesterday when it was revealed that Marcus Gayle had left Wimbledon to join a strange cult in Scotland. The cult, branded one of the most sinister in the world and known to its followers as "The Gers", is thought to be looking to exploit Gayle's move morth of the border to further brainwash its followers, already notorious for their bizarre chanting and dressing in orange. "They're a bigger pest than the Hare Krishnas", said a spokesman for the Hare Krishnas yesterday. Replying to accusations of mind control and ritual sacrificing of pound notes, the leader of the cult, known to its followers as 'David', replied, "If Marcus has joined a cult he is in good company. So far we've bought loads of of cults, including a useless Norwegian cult at centre forward. I'm beginning to think the manager's a bit of a cult as well." L. Ron Hubbard is 87 Rangers strips recalled to shop Exclusive Rangers supporters all over the country are being urged to return replica kits featuring the name of the club's £12 million signing from Chelsea, Tore Andre Flo. Fans who have purchased these kits will have the missing letter 'P' applied to the end of the player's name free of charge if they return the kit to the Rangers superstore, preferably after it has had its bi-monthly wash.
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Flute in mouth latest EXCLUSIVE Attempts to contain the spread of flute in mouth in the Scotland were given a serious setback yesterday following reports that there have been further outbreaks in the Kinning Park area of Glasgow, parts of Lanarkshire - most notably Larkhall - and at the SFA's referee centre of excellence. Following a slaughter in August (6:2) it was hoped that flute in mouth could be contained this year but experts are worried that the summer months might see still more pitiful manifestations of this terrible affliction. "The only solution is more slaughters", an expert said, "and we've called in Lubo Maravcik and Henrik Larsson to help us in this regard." Old McDonald is 73. New single set for release EXCLUSIVE The official rangers single recorded by the this season's first team squad is set for release this May in time to coincide with the end of season party at Ibrox. To the tune of Dee Bloo Bells Ur Bloo, the new club song seems certain to be a huge hit with the Ibrox legions, combining a familiar tune with the following easily remembered lyrics: Oh the Blue Room is bare Andy Cameron is 72.
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