PO Box 306, Glasgow, G21 2AE, Scotland
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The
Govan Bugle
incorporating the Daily Ranger and the Scottish Hun |
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| issue 1 |
February 2001
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O'Neill in beach shocker
In a move that has rocked the football world to its foundations Celtic supremo Martin O'Neill has taken a holiday with his family. Celtic supporters across the world looked on in disbelief as the 45 year-old read a book beside the pool while wearing a pair of shorts. Asked about O'Neill's decision to quit his plush office and state of the art training facilities at Celtic Park a club spokesman would only comment, "He's on his holidays." Football insiders are agreed, though, that this illustrates the deep divides that exist withinCeltic Football Club (where's that broken crest? - ed) and surely confirms rumours that Henrik Larsson will be leaving the
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club very
shortly, possibly following a swoop by The Little General, Dick
Advocaat.
Another international player who is amazed at the fact that O'Neill has deserted his post at such a crucial time of the season is Israeli midfielder Eyal Beseeingyou. In an astonishing outburst yesterday Beseeingyou told the press that he had not been asked to go on holiday with O'Neill. "Even if I had I probably would not have gone anyway", he blasted. Meanwhile, stock exchange experts stated that the move was bound to affect the share price of the club. "In the next few weeks the share price of Celtic will almost certainly go up, go down or remain exactly the same", said a man in a suit. David Murray, Dick Advocaat and Sir Sean Connery were not available to comment on the matter, but it is expected that an announcement will be made soon about a top class international player arriving at Ibrox in the very near future, possibly Rivaldo, Zidane or Eoin Jess. Wallace Arnold is 87. |
Dozy Celts set to lose out again EXCLUSIVE Celtic fans will be shocked this morning by the revelation that they may be set to lose another star player. I can exclusively reveal that despite having signed a contract to play for Celtic six weeks ago, Neil Lennon has yet to be offered an extension to his current deal. This means that he will be free to walk away from the ailing east end giants in five years with Celtic not receiving a penny. Meanwhile a consultant contract anyalyst we spoke to, Mr Billy Bowlingclubmember who, as a builder has to deal with contractors and sub-contractors every day of the week except Sundays described Celtic's lack of forward planning as "bloody mental". A Celtic insider, who declined to be named on the grounds that I'm making all this up, confirmed the Lennon situation is giving cause for concern. "I wish I knew what you're talking about", he told the Bugle last night. |
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