Murray in cash pledge to fans

WORLD EXCLUSIVE
By Findlay Findlay

The soccer world was rocked to its foundations once again yesterday as Rangers chairman David Murray promised supporters that the days of big spending at Ibrox were not over.

"For every fiver Celtic spend we will spend nearly £1.35", said the fragrant Ibrox multi-squillionaire, "and I said that to Sir Sean Connery as we were hot tubbing in my private jet.

"Believe me when I tell you that we are really going for it this time. We have some big names lined up for this club, one of which is so big we can't get all the letters on the back of his new Umbro strip."

Murray is also backing former director Sir Findlay Sideburns in his latest charity venture, 'Make Popery History'.

Findlay has organised a rock concert at Murrayfield and has booked lots of famous Rangers supporting acts to appear. The all-star line-up includes:
1. Wet Wet Wet
2. Andy Cameron
3. Er
4. That's It

Sir Bob Geldoff is 62.