PO Box 306, Glasgow, G21 2AE, Scotland

it came from... IBROX!
featuring some of the best-looking players ever to turn out for the Huns, including...
Stuart Kennedy

Following some hugely successful television appearances playing an assortment of scary monsters in such critically acclaimed programmes as 'Stingray', 'Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea' and 'Lost in Space', Stuart Kennedy was discovered by an Ibrox talent scout in the early Seventies and offered the job between the sticks at the Death Star. It was an opportunity he grabbed with both hands. Then he fumbled it, picked it up at the second attempt and promptly booted it as far down the pitch as he could.

With a head like a miscast from a jelly mould, he went on to make hundreds of appearances for Rangers (most of them grotesque) mainly because nobody dared to tell him he was dropped.

Just to show that Scotland managers do have a sense of humour, the Kennedy features were exposed to an unsuspecting Eurovision audience during the Home International series of 1975. In one of the most gruesome spectacles ever witnessed outside the studios of Hammer Films, Scotland were thrashed at Wembley with Kennedy pulling horrific grimaces (aka his normal expression) revealed in spine-twisting close-up every time the ball flew into the net, which was pretty frequently during that particular debacle.

As the fifth (or was it the fourth?) sailed into the rigging Kennedy crashed into one of the uprights necessitating prolonged treatment from an obviously reluctant physio. The BBC cameraman who was sent to do the close-ups of the prostrate 'keeper had to retire shortly afterwards to a sanitorium in the Swiss Alps where he still resides to this day, permanantly scared of the dark and continually muttering, "The horror... the horror".

Ally Scott

With a face like this Ally Scott was destined to play at some stage in his career for the team that has fielded so many gargoyles who would find no problem getting a game for an Island of Doctor Moreau Select.

Following his brief stint at the Death Star he was able to find fame playing the part of assorted Klingons in a host of Star Trek episodes, all without the aid of make-up.