some hugely successful television appearances playing an assortment
of scary monsters in such critically acclaimed programmes as 'Stingray',
'Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea' and 'Lost in Space', Stuart
Kennedy was discovered by an Ibrox talent scout in the early Seventies
and offered the job between the sticks at the Death Star. It was
an opportunity he grabbed with both hands. Then he fumbled it,
picked it up at the second attempt and promptly booted it as far
down the pitch as he could.
a head like a miscast from a jelly mould, he went on to make hundreds
of appearances for Rangers (most of them grotesque) mainly because
nobody dared to tell him he was dropped.
to show that Scotland managers do have a sense of humour, the
Kennedy features were exposed to an unsuspecting Eurovision audience
during the Home International series of 1975. In one of the most
gruesome spectacles ever witnessed outside the studios of Hammer
Films, Scotland were thrashed at Wembley with Kennedy pulling
horrific grimaces (aka his normal expression) revealed in spine-twisting
close-up every time the ball flew into the net, which was pretty
frequently during that particular debacle.
the fifth (or was it the fourth?) sailed into the rigging Kennedy
crashed into one of the uprights necessitating prolonged treatment
from an obviously reluctant physio. The BBC cameraman who was
sent to do the close-ups of the prostrate 'keeper had to retire
shortly afterwards to a sanitorium in the Swiss Alps where he
still resides to this day, permanantly scared of the dark and
continually muttering, "The horror... the horror".