PO Box 306, Glasgow, G21 2AE, Scotland

LA Blaw

In a sensational world exclusive, NTV has obtained the rights to serialise volume 2 of Lorenzo Amoruso's sensational autobiography. Entitled LA Blaw, this chapter is entitled, 'My Primary School Days'

I still remember the first day I went to my new Primary school. My parents and their parents before them had all been Rangers supporters and I was no different. I was only 10 years old but I was wearing my all blue Rangers gear that day (there was no advertising then). When I went into my new classroom I could see that all the other kids were jealous. Some of them were wearing smaller club's football outfits - teams like Juventus, Inter Milan and AC Milan but there I was, in the all blue strip of Rangers.

I can still see their faces to this day. Nobody said much to me but funnily enough when we had our first 'break' I knew immediately that it wasn't going to be easy. We were all told to take out our snacks and eat so I took out my orange. My mother and father always gave us fruit and this has continued until today. However from that day forward I was called 'the Orangeman' in my school. It was a friendly term and I didn't really mind.

After our break our teacher started spelling with us. All the kids were quite good and most of them - even at 10 years of age - could spell words like 'Mississippi' or 'Constantinople'. When it came to my turn teacher asked me to spell 'SECTARIAN'. I tried really hard but I kept making mistakes but I was still the best speller in the class.

For lunch on our first day I ate a chocolate orange. It was divided into 16 parts and my Dad told me that it was what all 11 players and 5 substitutes ate at Rangers for their lunch every day. When I heard this I ate the whole lot - all for such a wonderful club, but I don't think my classmates were too happy!

My Dad was really great and the other kids admired his big long curly moustache. One day he shaved it off and when we arrived at the school all the kids laughed. They started jeering me that day and I was very sad. One fellow - I think his name was John Paul - started singing songs to annoy me. I can still remember one of them - it was called 'The Tache your father wore'. I just ignored them because, even at 10 years old, I was very mature and had hairs growing on my own face. I knew the others were just jealous.

After a few weeks I settled into school really well and I was quite popular with the others. As we got nearer Christmas our teacher said that we would be doing a Nativity Play. I was delighted because I would have to change my Rangers strip which I had been wearing for about 4 months and it was just a little bit smelly by then! My teacher said I could have a really important part in the play and gave me 'the donkey's arse' part. I loved my part and everybody thought it suited me.

After the play everybody praised me and they said I really made a right good donkey's arse of it. It is a term I remember fondly and it brings a tear to my eyes when people use the same phrase when I play a football match for this wonderful club Rangers.

After Christmas school took off and the days flew by. Soon Easter was upon us and my teacher said that we could do an Easter Play. I was really delighted and hoped to get another big part. This time teacher said that we could all vote for somebody to get the best part. Imagine my astonishment when nearly everybody voted for me to be Jesus! One other kid called Barrabas got a couple of votes but I won easily! I was secretly thrilled but I told teacher I wasn't going to do the part unless we could paint the cross blue - in honour of my favourite football team and the best team in the world - Glasgow Rangers. I love this club. My teacher agreed, so the cross was painted blue.

All the other kids were happy for me and wanted the play to be a big success. One of my classmates, John Paul, suggested that we should practice extra hard and even come in to school early if we had to. So when it was nearly time for the play we came in early one day. Everybody agreed to bring in their costumes and everything they needed for the play. I was amazed to see that every one of the kids brought in a hammer and some nails. It was really impressive because some of the hammers were very heavy indeed and please remember these were only 4 year olds! Anyway John Paul said we should get started and nail me to the blue cross. I said we could start OK. but I wondered why we had so many nails. John Paul told me not to be so silly - some of the nails would have to be hammered upside down into my head because we did not have any 'crown of thorns'! Silly me - I never thought of that.

Anyway they all started to nail me to the blue cross and it was a bit sore at the start. I didn't mind because it was a blue Rangers cross they were nailing me to and I really love that club. It was going alright but I thought John Paul was a bit of an over-actor especially when he took out his Dad's Japanese sword and stuck it in my side! Our teacher walked into the classroom at this moment and let out a scream. She was so delighted that our acting was so realistic ! I honestly didn't really mind at all because I was on a blue cross.

After that Easter Play I didn't really get back to school until near Summer. Before I knew it all I could think about was playing football. I always spent my Summer kicking footballs against the walls of our local Abattoir and pretending that I was playing at Ibrox Park - the home of the club I love so much - Glasgow Rangers. Little did I know at that time that the day that I joined Rangers was not that far off !


PS Please remember that my Dinner will take place in two weeks time (tickets still available) and the Golf Classic starts in three weeks. I love this club. Please buy my book.

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