hearts retain coveted clogging crown

Congratulations to Hearts on retaining the title of Scotland’s dirtiest bastards for the second year running.

Not since the infamous Motherwell 5-in-a-row teams (99-2003) has such a feat been achieved so they thoroughly deserve their celebratory parade round Gorgie in an open-topped stretcher cart.

The Maroon Balloons were well down on last season’s highly creditable total of 85 yellow cards, but they compnstated for that by upping their red card tally from seven to nine. Who wouldn’t bet on them doing the three-in-a-row? Certainly not opposition forwards.

Thanks in no small measure to the contribution of Thierry Gathuessi (8 yellows and 2 reds), Hibs were able to push their neighbours for much of the season. They also managed to trip them, hack them and pull their jerseys into the bargain.

Alas they weren’t able to repeat the prodigious success of the 2004 side and unless they can unleash another Scott Brown on the SPL I fear they might struggle to hold on to second spot next season, far less anyone’s shirt.

Gretna have disappeared up their own anvils for next season, so we’ll be looking to Gus McPherson’s St. Mirren to mount a challenge to the Edinburgh duo next term - probably an illegal one.

If they can retain the services of Hugh Murray (individual clogging king for the second year running) they must be in with a chance. “I know I was late ref but I got there as soon as I could... I’m 73 next birthday don’t you know.” If he does decide finally to retire I’m sure he’ll pass on his knowledge of the finer points of the game to a new generation of Paisley psychopaths.

Celtic - along with Falkirk and St. Mirren the only teams to increase the number of yellows on last season - showed some improvement, climbing the table from a dismal last place to a far more respectable 8th. But in all honesty this is a slightly false position given that 9 of the 62 yellow cards shown to the Hoops were in the one game refereed by the reverend Mike McCurry.

At one point during the season the reverend Mike had actually dished out 40 yellow cards in 13 games. He had given Celtic players more yellow cards in the one game at Ibrox than he had given the entire Rangers team in all the games he had reffed up until then (He flashed a total of 48 yellows in all of his 17 SPL games last season).

Curiously, nearly every third game was a Rangers game for McCurry, a far higher percentage than any other SPL ref. More than double.

If anyone has a theory about why this should have been the case last season then please send it to us on the back of a twenty quid note.

Interesting too, to note that Celtic had two representatives in the Dirty Dozen, namely Massimo Donati and that well known football threshing machine, Aiden McGeady.

Yes, Celtic’s big hammer throwing brute and Scottish Player of the Year is in there keeping company with the SPL’s finest cloggers. Ah yes, I hear you say, he must have been mouthing off at referees in the style that has made him the target of boo boys across Scotland. Think Neil Lennon with attitude.

Alas, you’d be mistaken. Only one of McGeady’s bookings was for dissent, away to Inverness Caley.

To put a slightly different spin on it, Aiden collected only one booking fewer than McCulloch, Hemdani, Ferguson, Adam, Weir and Broadfoot put together.

And that’s why we’re paranoid!

 

ROBBIE FOULER