the future is green

Darlinda of the Jungle, our resident prophetess of doom, casts the runes to give us an exclusive insight into what lies in store for the coming season.

July Scottish journalists unanimously predict Rangers will win the domestic treble, the UEFA Cup, the Americas Cup, The Ashes, the Eurovision song contest and that their supporters will win the UEFA Fair Play Award. New season, same old excrement from the Fish Wrappers. (I blame it on separate schools myself)

August Rangers win their first league game, courtesy of a last minute offside penalty. Cue campaign led by the Daily Record for Paul Le Guen to be awarded Manager of the Month accolade. Stilian Petrov joins lowly Premiership team and is quoted as saying, 'I have always wanted to spend time in my career fighting against relegation. Regular Champions League football is too boring.' Press use this as excuse to run traditional, 'Celtic in crisis headlines.' Undaunted and strengthened with several new signings, including miraculously a quality left back, Celtic, by the end of August, are three points clear at the top of the table.

September Rangers win their first UEFA Cup game. Cue campaign led by the Daily Record for Paul Le Guen to be voted Manager of the Year. By the end of the month Celtic are 6 points clear in the league, progressing nicely in the Champions League and easy victors in the first Glasgow derby match of the season.

October Rangers exit Europe. Scottish press blame it all on underhand tactics of Johnny Foreigner and insist that Paul Le Guen is doing a great job and should be awarded manager of the year trophy asap. They add that this season's UEFA Cup is made up of far higher quality teams than those in the Champions League where Celtic continue to make good progress. Celtic now 9 points ahead of Hearts in the league. Hibs and Aberdeen along with this season's surprise contenders Rangers are all fighting it out for 3rd place.

November Celtic under 19s reach Final of the CIS Cup after beating Hearts first team in the semi. Scottish media criticise Celtic's inability to bring through young players compared to the production line of talent at Murray Park. Rangers under 19s beat their Celtic rivals with two injury time penalties awarded by Andy Davis. Daily Record takes this as the cue to announce that Paul Le Guen should be given a knighthood in addition to the manager of the year award. Celtic 10 points clear at top of the table. December David Murray announces that Rangers will Spend, spend, spend in the January transfer window. This show of faith in his manager encourages the Daily Record to produce a 16 page supplement on why Paul Le Guen should be the manager of the year. Celtic meanwhile qualify for the last 16 of The Champions League and move 12 points clear at top of the SPL.

January Rangers as promised do spend, spend, spend. Sadly for their supporters it is not on new players but on paying UEFA fines caused by the sectarian behaviour of a large element of their support. David Murray is quoted as saying , 'This proves we can match anyone in Europe when it comes to wasting money'. Meanwhile Celtic buy two new players for £5m plus acquire another two top class internationals on Bosmans. More evidence of Celtic's biscuit tin mentality say the Scottish media. Daily Record's New Year resolution is to have Paul Le Guen named manager of the year. What year is not specified.

February Celtic make it into last 8 of Champions League with team made up of 8 Scottish born players. Scottish press criticise Celtic for playing too many foreigners and not giving Scottish born players a chance. Rangers, with their 8 regular foreign born players continue to fight hard to hold off Hibs and Aberdeen for 3rd place. More evidence, suggests the Daily Record, as to why Paul Le Guen should be Manager of the year.

March Celtic win the CIS Cup beating Rangers 2:1 in the Final. According to the Daily Record, running Celtic so close in a major final is more evidence of Paul Le GuenÕs outstanding talent and even more reason why he should be voted manager of the year. Celtic reach last 4 of Champions League and go 15 points clear in the SPL.

April Celtic clinch SPL title and reach Champions League Final. Rangers reserves win reserve league. This 'flowering' of young Rangers talent is all the evidence you need according to the Daily Record as to why Paul Le Guen should be named Manager of the Year. Kenny Miller scores his 30th goal of the season. Proof of how Murray Park coaching can improve a player according to the Fish Wrappers.

May Celtic clinch domestic treble and win Champions League. Rangers finish 3rd in league. Paul Le Guen voted manager of the year by Scotland's impartial Sportswriters. David Murray calls for Monopolies commission to investigate Celtic's dominance of Scottish football. Daily Record predicts Rangers will spend big over the Summer and are surefire favourites to win the league next season once they clinch their Big Summer transfer by bringing Bob Malcolm back to Ibrox - Celtic spend millions on new players. Rangers take three duds on Bosmans. The Scottish papers, led by the Daily Ranger, criticise Celtic's 'Biscuit Tin Mentality.'

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