cloggers 2006

livingston go down fighting... and fouling

Limp aside Hearts, your reign as Scotland's Dirtiest Bastards has lasted just the one season; hirple forward livingston to collect your consolation prize for falling through the SPL trapdoor into the netherworld of the First Division, which comes in the misshapen form of the Kings of Clogging Trophy for 2006, aka The Golden Crutches.

Livi may be going down, but they made sure that so did plenty of their opponents during the season just past. Last year's winners Hearts pushed the Pleasantville Punishment Battalion all the way - with a few trips thrown in as well - but nothing could halt their inexorable bruise to the title.

92 yellow cards and two reds was their final total as they cut a swathe through the forward lines of the SPL. We haven't seen the likes of it since the heady days when a Kenny Black-inspired Airdrie team were exhausting physios all over the league back in 1993.

Alan Walker and the appropriately named Greg Strong were top scorers, taking up the cudgels of Dorado and McNamee from last year, but they were able to call on a full supporting cast as well, to the extent that Livingston had more players carded (24) than any other team. With Alex Rae now the manager of Dundee the First Division could well be sponsored by Cortisone next season.

The Gorgie Gargoyles will be disappointed to be the bridesmaid once again (the ugliest bridesmaid in town), especially since they only failed to match last year's total by two points. Bad luck especially to the psychopath in football boots that is Julian Brellier, whose individual total of 12 yellows and a red saw him come top of the assassin table. This kind of tally puts him up there with Alan Maybury and Phil Stamp. With Livingston gone the Jammed farts must be strong favourites to regain the coveted prize in 2007. In Rudi Skacel they have another player who can supplement more traditional styles of thuggery with more imaginative ways of picking up cards, such as gobbing on opponents.

I predicted last year that Falkirk would bring their own special brand of mayhem to the party on their return to the top division and they didn't let me down. Big Yogi knew a thing or two about crossing a good winger, and his young charges went on to rack up a very manly score of 73 yellows and 3 reds. Now that they've bedded themselves in - and embedded a few opponents in - there's every chance that they could be title challengers next season.

Another dismal season for the Hoops, I'm afraid, retaining 11th place. Only Stephen McManus showed anything like the form required to do well in this league. Clearly we were missing Allan Thompson's high scoring, even though he did chip in with one of our red cards. With Big John away as well prospects for next season don't look particularly bright either.

ROBBIE FOULER