another year in paradise

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times; it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness; it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity; it was the season of light, it was the season of darkness; it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair; we had everything before us, we had nothing before us; we were all going direct to heaven, we were all going direct the other way."

The opening of 'A Tale of Two Cities' by Charles Dickens - re-released as a comic strip colouring book this summer as part of a desperate Ibrox marketing ploy following the departure of Lorenzo Amoruso and Bert Konterman as 'A Sale of Two Titties' - perfectly sums up for me both the utter confusion of an author who can't seem to make up his mind one way or the other about anything and, coincidentally, the events and emotions of an incredible season following the Hoops.

Have we ever experienced such a contrast of feelings in any season? Such elation and such lows all in the space of a few heady months? In terms of winning trophies, sadly the Brasso will not be required in the same quantity as the first two years of Martin O'Neill's tenure. And yet, will it be retained in the collective memory as one of the most remarkable in the club's recent history for other, more positive, reasons? The answer is undoubtedly yes.

Despite losing the league flag there was little associated weeping and wailing and gnashing of gnashers to be heard coming from the Timmites. We've had to sit and endure Rangers winning trebles before, of course, back in the days of the Kale Crunchers. We could even take some solace in beating them, usually towards the end of the season when the league was already won. But the difference in those days was that we felt impotent in the face of their triumph.

Having won the league on the last day of the season by a single goal in a year when Celtic dropped nine points immediately after important European fixtures in midweek, surely none but the most transcendentally dim Rangers supporter could possibly believe that there has been a seismic shift in the balance of power back towards Ibrox. Still, there comes a time when even blinkered and biased fanzines like this one have to give credit to the opposition and admit that the better team won in the end. Thankfully we haven't got to that time yet, so let's have a go at diminishing the latest incarnation of a Rangers treble.

In accepting his Academy award for Best Documentary, Michael Moore said that we are living in 'Fictitious times'. Moore was, of course, referring to the ongoing crisis in Iraq but he could quite have easily been referring to Rangers winning the Scottish Premier League in 2002/03. Quite simply, Rangers won the league because Celtic were not quite strong enough to fight a war on two fronts.

Their manager knows it and their players know it - and have publicly acknowledged it - even if their supporters won't admit it. They took a mere four points from a maximum 12 from Celtic yet still won the league. Under normal circumstances this simply does not happen. What could possibly explain this particular X-File? Seeing as Rangers got an average of one penalty every three games last season, the waters are starting to become less muddied. Where have you ever heard of that happening before? A team getting an average of one penalty every three games over the course of a whole season? Don't bother taxing your grey matter too much, it doesn't happen anywhere else. (For point of reference, in the early 90s Celtic went an entire YEAR without being awarded a single spot kick)

Of course Rangers apologists will tell you that they are an attacking side, always in the opposition box, hence so many penalties. If that was the case, why did they get so many penalties between August and January then none until April once the papers started pointing out this incredible Scottish football anomaly?

Equally intriguing was the number of Rangers' opponents last season who were offered first use of the carbolic. Rangers had TWELVE players sent off against them last season. There is no doubt that some of them must have been deserving of what Jock Brown, in his commentating days, used to call, 'The ultimate sanction', but some were what the refereeing supervisors often refer to as 'honest mistakes'. Among our particular favourites in this category were Gerry Britton (who asked the Referee to get hold of Kevin Muscat and in doing so touched Muscat's face resulting in the Australian hard man collapsing like a stricken wombat), Kevin McNaughton (sent off for chesting a ball to safety -Rangers were also awarded a penalty) and Paco Luna (sent off for scoring against Rangers by Hugh Dallas).

And so it came to pass that, despite everything, we approached the final day of the league season with a chance of retaining the championship. Now, some Celtic fans are suggesting that the reason we lost the league is because Dunfermline lay down to Rangers that fateful afternoon at Ibrox. But let's face it, leagues are not won or lost on one afternoon. Basically, Dunfermline lost because they are shite.

Yet there are issues which emerged from that final day which are deserving of some comment. Chris Sutton, of course, copped all the flak following the match at Rugby Park after he stated that he knew Dunfermline would allow themselves to be gutted at the Death Star. But on the Saturday evening before the game at Ibrox Jimmy Calderwood was being interviewed on James Traynor's programme on Radio Scotland. When Traynor asked him how he would approach the game he replied, "We are just going to there to enjoy ourselves... It's great being part of the whole event." Surely this is worthy of some condemnation by the outspoken Dunfermline official John Yorkston, Calderwood's Chairman. If Dunfermline were to avoid a heavy defeat there would be no 'occasion'.

Why would they want to enjoy a hammering? Surely they should be going there to do their best and, if possible, get a result?

In his report of the match at Ibrox on Monday 26th May, Ewing Grahame of the Herald had this to say of the Rangers penalty: "Arteta sent Stillie right, the ball left and the crowd - including, curiously, the travelling support - into raptures. After that it was all over bar the sectarian chanting."

Compare and contrast with the scenes at Rugby Park, comprising leg-breaking tackles, a home side blatantly time-wasting after fifteen minutes, home supporters cheering every Rangers goal and indulging in the tiresomely predictable booing of Neil Lennon... Jeez, it's little wonder we're paranoid!

Nevertheless, blaming Dunfermline is an easy way out. You can just as easily highlight any of the points dropped towards the end of the season, for example against Dundee and at Tynecastle. One point from either of these games and the title would have been ours. Indeed if we had given Dundee the gubbing they should have received in our last home game instead of taking the feet off the gas and allowing them a last minute goal we might have been the team celebrating winning the league on goal difference.

Now that the NTV spleen has been vented, it's actually hard to get too disappointed at not winning the title last season. Damage was limited by the fact that the top two get to attempt qualification for the Champions League and there was also the small matter of Celtic's European exploits, which restored our credibility far more than any domestic success could. Getting to a European final will live longer in the memory than winning a Scottish treble. We won it two years ago and they won it a couple of seasons before that. It's not uncommon for one of the Old Firm to win all the domestic baubles and the way things are going it's going to become a lot more common in the future. But a Scottish team getting to a European Final - now that is a veritable rocking horse pooh.

A European Final. How proud were you when Celtic walked out onto that pitch in Seville? How emotional were you when the game kicked off? Did you have to pinch yourself to ensure you weren't dreaming? Ever had that before a game against Motherwell or Dundee United?

The final itself was marred by the shenanigans of the Porto players, but the saddest thing about that was that it is all part of the modern European game and a scourge that few countries are free from. Their compatriots from Boavista were little better and should have served as a warning of things to come. The referee was a rather pathetic weakling to have in charge of such an important match, but neither he nor Porto can be blamed for the defensive lapses which ultimately cost us the game. The frustration of the fans at the final whistle and of the manager in his post-match statements was understandable after the collective contribution to a dramatic final as well as being an indication of how our expectations in Europe have risen since the days when we would be routinely humiliated by Polish and Romanian PE students.

In extending our European run beyond Christmas for the first time in 23 years, and reaching a final for the first time since 1970, Celtic were ultimately in a no-lose situation. No matter how parochially important a domestic game might be who is watching? Who, apart from BBC Scotland's audience and Sandy Clark is concerned as to the outcome?

Celtic playing in the UEFA Cup Final was the kind of exposure that money can't buy, with an estimated television audience of five hundred million watching all round the globe. The awesome scenes they witnessed showed the world that Celtic is much more than a football club. The Timmites gathered in the kind of numbers never witnessed before for a club football match in Europe. It wasn't just the weight of numbers either. They came from all over world, from all the far flung outposts of the Celtic diaspora as well as from the unlikeliest of places. The resultant spectacle not only added to the occasion but must have made the TV and football movers and shakers stir themselves to take a bit of notice of the Celtic phenomenon. By way of contrast, the Huns' "historic" league victory passed largely unnoticed in European football circles bar the odd paragraph here or there in the round-up pages.

While Celtic's profile has never been higher, they are desperately clinging on, only featuring on TV last season when playing in Old Firm games. Simply on finance alone I can think of 15 million reasons why last season was more successful for Celtic than for Rangers. Rangers' accountants, directors and most importantly their bankers would have far preferred our season of 'failure' to their season of parochial 'triumph.'

If further evidence were required of which of the Old Firm has come out of last season the stronger just look at season ticket sales. Rangers are currently advertising season tickets for sale in their largest circulation fanzine, the Daily Record. Celtic have sold out and have a waiting list. We now leave our biggest rivals so far behind you can't begin to measure the gap. And bhoy does that hurt them.

Despite winning nothing other than friends, few among us would swap what we lived through last season for Rangers' treble. Maybe you have to experience it to know the difference - and for the Teds it looks further away than at any time in their recent history - but as the great Irish poet WB Yeats said, "All is changed, changed utterly."

Looking ahead to this season even without any new signings we should win the league. Due to their debts Rangers can't afford to keep their top players and are having to sell to make ends meet. Even with the signings they have made they will start the season with a weaker team that they had last year. If properly managed we look set to go from strength to strength.

And that is the challenge which faces the board. If Celtic don't build on what we have achieved and make further progress on the bigger stage then Seville and everything it represents in terms of Celtic's European renaissance has all been little more than a flash in the pan. We can't afford - literally - to let it become simply the stuff of folklore and legend.

GEORGE OF THE JUNGLE
SICKBHOY
& A GENTLEMAN