We Hear That...

Nostalgia ain't what it used to be...

Penniless Huns trawling the Rangers Superstore during the January Sales must have been staggered to see the latest range of old-style strips (now reduced) in Broxi's bargain buckets. Coming in three sizes ("XX-Large", "Dart Player" and "Derek Johnstone"), these expensively priced cheap-imitation garments are obviously helping the currently crestfallen to reminisce. The old glaringly electric blue replica 1978-1982 jersey (with fetching red,white & blue collar wings) allows misty-eyed Huns to relive the halcyon days of Gregor Stevens, Craig Paterson, Colin McAdam & Billy Urquhart (the original "Unacceptable Face of Scottish Football"). This is also their chance to recreate THE great games of the period such as;
* A brave showing during the thrilling 4-2 Championship Decider against ten-man Celtic in 1979
* an Anglo-Scottish cross-border raid - Chesterfield 3 Rangers 0- in 1980
* the unforgettable 1982 Cup Semi at Hampden v Forfar (a creditable 0-0 draw)
* the five goal thriller that was the Cup Final against Aberdeen the same year - Aberdeen 4 Rangers 1 (in the days when both goalies completed the entire match)

The even-more mind-boggingly bogging pin-stripe top (worn 1982 to 1984) oversaw further notable club landmarks. Sigh nostalgically as you recall
* the sacking of John Greig
* the return of Orca (the artist formerly known as Derek Johnstone)
* Sandy Clark,Davie McKinnon,Billy Davies, in the first team (oh yes)
* back-to-back Ibrox Scottish Cup Defeats by Dundee
* 2,500 "crowds"
* and all those wonderful European Nights (Sep 1982's Cologne 5 Rangers 0).

Total League Championships won during this sartorially-challenged seven year period = same points awarded by Fashion Police (nil)

PS; A Singalonga-Hun CD on sale (while stocks last) features a track entitled "One Day In Europe" (sic).

Fashion Police Alert (continued)

While Henke endorses Umbro Boots, and Paul Lambert lends his name to Diadora, it must be pointed out that not every association with Clothing manufacturers is a happy one. Top Fashion Designers are considering their legal options after a deep-frozen and disgruntled Little Genital was spotted on TV at last month's Dundee United-Rangers (bottom v turd) draw. The Dudster sported a clearly visible Burberry scarf. "This is the equivalent of Keith Harris & Orville endorsing your winterwear", bemoaned our independent fashion guru Rene St Dubois. "It's the biggest fashion faux-pas since Wattie's 10-in-a-row tank top".

Kaisers Slaughtered 'Em

After their 3-0 UEFA Cup defeat v Kaiserslautern previously loyal (and now disconsolate) hacks were queueing up to put the boot into the "Tactical Genius".

* The Daily Record - "Blamin' Mad" - "Dick blasts his stars for Euro horror show (sound familiar ??) but won't take rap himself"
* The Sun - "Dud's Army" - "the Little General and his troops don't like it up 'em" and my favourite,
* The Express - "Rubbish" - no further comment required.

PS ; At the end of their 90 minutes of punishment, dejected and soaked Huns in the Fritz Walther Stadium were forced to endure another nose-thumbing - their beaten team trudged off the pitch with nary a clap for the travelling hordes -"They left the pitch without looking at us" bemoaned a "true blue" on the official Hun website - only Michael Mols ackowledged the (less than) merry throng.

Disgruntled...

and snarling Huns had cause for complaint at last month's Rangers AGM. As revealed in Not The View (90), one seething shareholder complained that there were "Celtic Supporters" working in the members lounge who (shock!) laughed when Rangers were knocked out of Europe. Surely not ? "They deliberately antagonise us", fumed one of the disgruntled Hunnery .

Other major complaints voiced by assorted Mr.Angries from Kinning Park included:
* Why didn't we hammer Celtic when we were 5-0 up (sic) like they did in the 1957 League Cup Final in which THEY won 7:1 ? (Nice to see they've got over that result at last eh?)
* Rangers don't wear the away white kit, and that upsets my 10 year old son (pass the Kleenex)
* There are leaks in the Govan Stand
* Shareholder John Wallace asked about the Huns' transfer policy. He mentioned Lionel Charbonnier (NB contract paid in full, just to get rid of him - can you imagine how WE would be treated over that), Andrei Kanchelskis, Seb Rozenthal, and Marco Negri (not to mention Daniel Prodan - gleeful ed) and urged the board to be more prudent.

The Daily Retard reported, "David Murray's reply summed up the meeting;'We do have one or two worth more than we paid. What is Giovanni Van Bronckhurst worth? What is Barry Ferguson worth ? Over the piece we have done well". When the questioner had the temerity to shake his head, Murray shot back "You can shake your head but we have won 11out of 12 titles by sticking together".

This met with quiet nods of approval from the Hugh Dallas and Kenny Clark lookalikes seated in the back row.

Pop Section

Following Clydebank FC's link with Wet Wet Wet, Cardiff City's shirt sponsors this season are top local pop band, The Super Furry Animals. Rangers have now adopted this idea. Current favourites to replace NTL are Dodgy or The Charlatans.

Where are they now?

interesting to read an article in the new super soaraway Celtic View featuring Lex Baillie. Celtic squad player from 1982-90, big Lex was, you might like to know, one of the very first subscribers to this particular blat. He has since joined the polis but we're not going to hold that against him.

On the subject of centre halves, we hear that the Little Genital was most upset recently when he walked into the home dressing room at the Death Star and stepped on a large turd. "Who's shit on the ground?" he is alleged to have fumed at his players.

"I am boss, but I'm not bad in the air," replied Lorenzo.

 

Toodloo The Noo THE EARWIG

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