earwig 140

we hear that...

land of the rising bhoy

Those of you who read my last column in this blat (my devoted readers Sid and Doris Bonkers - Happy new year to you both) will be aware that Shunsuke Nakamura is colloquially known in Japan as the 'Magic Mushroom'.

I have to wonder, however, in the light of a recent contribution, whether this is indeed his monicker or whether this has come about as the result of some dodgy translation software.

As I've pointed out before in the case of the Portuguese match report on the Boavista v Celtic game, simply translating the words can sometimes lead to confusion.

Take, for example, the website of Japanese magazine Nikkan Sports. Anxious to produce an English translation of their reporting of the Mushroom's transfer to Paradise, under the headline 'It is transfer determination for 700 million yen to Shunsuke and a cell tick!' they described how, 'Representative MF Shunsuke Nakamura (27) of Japan of soccer will transfer to the distinguished family Glasgow cell tick of the Scotland league.'

The Japanese Swoop Guidi goes on to reveal that Naka will be on a cool three quarters of a million quid a year before slipping in details of the final clause in the contract which doubtless clinched the deal: 'The leading playmaker in Asia will aim at the German World Cup from the birthplace of soccer, and Britain for 06 years. (The amount of money presumes) The clear evaluation as extraordinary conditions and military power became the conclusive factor of Nakamura's cell tick transfer.'

This was something that must have slipped under the radar of the Celtic View - or maybe the View's radar had already been sold to Reggina along with the rest of the arms and ammunition making up the military power winging its way to Italy.

Peter Lawwell appears to have a stash of hardware, though, because, 'Nakamura becomes the indispensable military power for the cell tick which aims at higher rank advance by Europe champion ZURIGU (CL).' A change in strategy perhaps; if we can't qualify for pot B through our UEFA coefficient we can take a leaf out of Gerge W Bush's book and invade their headquarters.

WGS - or 'Director SUTORAKAN the strengthening person in charge' as he's called - has been praised for his style of play, and nikkon sport leaves us in do doubt as to what he sees in the Mushroom: 'Although the breakaway was aimed at from the conventional style which uses the long ball from the last line abundantly, acquisition of the player who can assemble a game in the middle stage also for the reason was a problem of the utmost importance...'

Not only that, but as a football contortionist wee Naka is without peer in the game. I just can't wait to see him do this against the Huns at Ibrox: 'Nakamura is a player wonderful as a game maker. The path which cannot be taken out with other players could be taken out and the kick of a left leg also moved the heart whose point of the spot and a front having been united and advancing team organization centering on Nakamura was the Spain stubbornness, such as saying that it becomes arms.'

Rightly proud of their compatriot, the lads at nikkon are chuffed that he's the first Japanese player to earn a living in Scotland and salute the Mushroom with: 'A new field is cleared as this first league affiliation player as Japanese people, and it stands on a pitch of Germany as a pillar of the representative of Japan.'

The syntax might be a bit tortured but I'm sure you'll agree that it is still miles ahead of your average Scottish hack.

Good to see that Shunsuke is settling in to his new environment, nonetheless, and, according to a recent interview in the View, enjoying the food in Glasgow. Mind you, if this is an example (below) of the snacklets he's been used to in the Far East I suppose even a deep fried Mars bar would be appealing.

And finally, Esther, a competition to round off the year. A special Earwig goodie bag to either of my readers who can come up with the funniest contents page for the unmissable magazine 'Refereeing Today'.

No 'referee's wives' though.

Entriess to the usual address.