we hear that...

the bunnet returns

Wasn't it nice to see wee Fergus back in town to unveil the Brother Walfrid statue? He was in fine form and no sooner was he back than a few stories began circulating about his time in charge at CP, one of which appears below.

It seems that in the days of rebuilding at Parkhead, wee Fergus met with some opposition from the local residents along Janefield Street when the main stand was finally erected at Celtic Park. Apparently, residents living along the row of flats along the street were experiencing difficulty with their television reception due to the increased height of the new stadium, and demanded a meeting with the Celtic chairman to resolve the issue.

Fergus obliged, and duly met up with the locals and their representatives in one of the newly-built conference suites at Celtic Park. When the meeting started, the angry mob hurled abuse at the bespectacled money maestro, and demanded immediate action. 'Fine,'Ó said the wee man. 'I'll put an antenna on the roof of the stadium and boost the signal to your houses.'

The representatives then consulted with the angry mob and returned with a response to the offer: 'It's not good enough,' they said. 'We want compensation.'

Wee Fergus whispered into the ear of his lawyer and consulted the Celtic accountants. He then replied with a very tasty offer: 'I'll put an antenna on the roof of the stadium and boost the signal to your houses - plus - I'll give every household £150.'

The representatives went away with the improved offer and returned, smiling: 'We accept,' was the overwhelming majority vote.

Fergus then made arrangements for all of the local residents to sign a legally binding agreement, waiving their right to additional compensation when the offer had been honoured, and the mob formed an orderly queue to scrawl their monickers on the charter.

When everyone had finished, wee Fergus stood up to make an announcement, just before the meeting was called to a close. 'Thank you for coming along today and being so open and honest with your views. I would just like to add that I'm very pleased we managed to reach an amicable resolution to the television reception problem. Now, if everyone could return here on Monday, I will personally issue cheques to everyone affected - as long as you bring along your current television licence.'

Monday arrived, and not one person turned up at Celtic Park to claim their £150 cheque. Wee Fergus never did put up that antenna...

Setanta weren't slow in getting Fergus to do an interview for them while he was in Glasgow, which aired on October 30th. He was suitably scathing about the personal integrity of the old guard and was quite self effacing about his part in the club's history. The only irritating thing about the show was the fact that asking the questions was none other than James Traynor of the Daily Rectum, giving a more than passable imitation of Uriah Heep.

At one point Traynor had the gall to ask Fergus about the personal abuse he suffered the day he unfurled the league flag at Celtic Park. Nothing whatsoever to do with a merciless propaganda campaign carried out during his five years in Glasgow, of course, foremost among the sleazoids being the Mail/ Record stable.

The Bunnet was too polite to point out to Traynor that he was once portrayed on one of their front pages alongside a picture of Sadam Hussein.

lesbian rangers

Anyone visiting the University of Winnipeg should keep half an eye out for the local Rangers, especially the one on the right who bears more than a passing resemblance to Barry Ferguson.

Whatever 'reorientation week' is I think I'd rather spend it with the Celtic fans.

sheepish grins

never slow to wind up the Huns on their visits to Ibrox, the Aberdeen fans were at it again last month.

During the mind-numbing 0:0 draw at the Death Star they unfurled a banner which read: 'AGENT MCLEISH - MISSION ACCOMPLISHED - RETURN TO BASE'

bouncing baby bhoy?

I'm not one for celebrating the cult of personality, but I was amazed at Rod Stewart's recent performance on the Lorraine Kelly LK Today show a couple of weeks ago.

Sitting on the interview couch with his pregnant fiancee , Rod proceeded to put his head on Penny Lancaster's tummy and serenaded her bump with a rendition of the Fields of Athenry!

No doubt to some of the Laptop Loyal - and to dribbling fool Gerry McNee - this constitutes a sectarian chant, so watch out for Rod being labelled along with the rest of us.

Toodloo the Noo

EARWIG

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