we hear that...

you're in my heart

As my music-loving readers (Sid and Doris Bonkers) will know, ageing rocker and Celtic season ticket for life holder Rod Stewart recently played three nights in Glasgow at the SECC.

He started his Sunday concert with a rousing rendition of 'Hail Hail' and was also showing his fans videos of the Celts, himself with a Celtic scarf and a cartoon video of Rod scoring against the Huns with Celtic top on.

No change from Rod there as he has been doing this for years at his concerts. Some 'fans', however, apparently complained about the Celtic stuff. If they are fans then they know he does this, and as he said at the concert 'I'm a Celtic fan'.

So what happens? Rod's management gets a visit from Plod who informs them that they need to cut down on the Celtic stuff due to complaints.

What next, he must have been wondering. Stop singing 'You're in my Heart' because of the lyrics: 'You're Celtic, United, but baby I've decided you're the best team I've ever seen'.

Maybe he could change the lyrics to 'You're Old Firm, United...'?

If a few complaints at a concert can get Plod to speak to the management, I certainly would encourage every Celtic fan who has to witness the Huns the next time we play them to do their civic duty and complain. I'm sure Plod will pay Mr Murray a wee visit.

Tiny Tubby

The news that ex-referee Tom 'Tiny' Wharton had heard the final whistle brought to mind a story concerning himself and Celtic's Lisbon Lion midfielder Bertie Auld.

Tiny had seemingly given one bad decision too many against Celtic one afternoon and so he was approached by Bertie who said, 'Tiny what would you do if I called you an arsehole?'

'Send you off,' replied Tiny. 'No one calls me an arsehole.'

'Well,' says Bertie, 'What would you say if I thought you were an arsehole?'

'Nothing,' replies Tiny, 'What you think is your own business.'

'Well,' says Bertie 'I think you're an arsehole.'

(I've cleaned this one up a bit for our pre-school readers. Just you go ahead and insert your own insulting epithet then go and have fun with the joke).

the belly boys

First we had the green drinking straws, then the peperami, then the eggs benedict, and now this.

Obese huns are up in arms because the Rangers shops have sold out of XXXXL jerseys (that's four Xs).

A tight squeeze for Jabba the Hut but plenty room in there for a 50 inch waist. I suppose normal sized people who know these morbidly corpulent people could always borrow a strip should they ever decide to go camping for the weekend.

Toodloo the Noo

EARWIG

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