we hear that...

portugal diary euro 2004

Courtesy of my loyal readers Sid and Doris Bonkers - a bit late arriving home from Portugal following their trip to Euro 2004 as a result of a delay in the processing of Sid's bail application - some snippets concerning the summer's big international competition.

Holland technical team in their dugout wore t-shirts in support of soon-to-be sacked (again) Advocaat bearing the legend 'We're standing behind our Dick'

Prior to Croatia v England game, BBC Radio Scotland Fred MacAulay Programme, a Croatian translator informed Fred that Rangers new signing Dado Prso's surname is correctly pronounced 'Poor-Show'.

Denmark and Sweden fans needing a two-all draw to eliminate Italy in their final group game held up photos of a well known South African Archbishop whose first name is Desmond.

cheeky pundit

While Henrik's first goal of the tournament against Stan's Bulgarians won BBC Goal of the Tournament, over on ITV 'Cheeky Chappie' Chubby McCoist backed Spain v Portugal (they lost), France v Greece (they lost), Italy v Bulgaria (they went out) and Holland v Portugal (beaten). Guess who he fancies for the SPL this season?

Suits You Sir!

We hear that on Rangers' pre-season tour of Austria, all squad players were told to wear full-length spandex tights in bed 'as they aid circulation' ... Could this help to explain the sudden necessity for their players to have icy cold baths as well? Answers on a postcard please.

no one likes them...

The Orcs also set about making friends with their pre-season opponents this summer. After the Roma game Italian boss Prandelli described Eck's aces as 'hackers' (now there's a phrase you don't hear too often these days) while at Fulham (15 man brawl led by Alex Rae and Ricksen) and Newcastle (only a 13 man brawl this time led by Boumsong and (amazingly) Ricksen. Fulham Boss Chris Coleman and Sir Bobby Robson took the unusual steps of criticising the Rangers travelling support using terms such as 'aggressive' and 'morons'.

Maybe this explains what happened at half-time during the Fulham v Celtic pre-season friendly. First prize was £300 and its award was gratefully accepted by a delighted winner. Second prize, on the other hand, which was two tickets for the forthcoming friendly against the Huns, was declined by the, er, 'lucky' winner.

popularity stakes

Indeed, we've always suspected that when it comes to popularity the denizens of the Death Star are about as alluring as a zookeeper's welly, and we were given further evidence of this from this poll (below) conducted by 'When Saturday Comes', the thinking fan's football fanzine. Asked to express a positive or negative vibe towards 24 selected teams across the country, the votes were examined and a + or - number awarded.

The table shows that for every negative attitude expressed towards the Hoops thirteen were positive, while for every positive vote cast in favour of the Huns thirty nine were negative, giving them an overall rating of -38. Only Wimbledon and Manchester United were less popular.

Slightly more worrying, in terms of serious scientific research to prove our thesis that Rangers are as popular as a turd floating in your swimming pool, both Partick Thistle and Cowdenbeath both came out with a higher popularity rating than Celtic.

Pulling the Strings

We hear that Rangers Director of Football Business Martin Bain has two phones on his desk - one for the exclusive use of 'Honorary Chairman' David (all stand) Murray, which rings half a dozen times a day. Don't let anyone kid you that Rangers 'Chairman' John 'Phantom of the Opera / WC Fields' McClelland and Dale Winton look-a-like Bain run the show at Ibrox - they're the muppets who take the flak, while the real Dr Evil strokes his (red, blue and) white pussy through in Edinburgh...

Toodloo the noo
THE EARWIG

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