we hear that...

welcome to nell

As yet another new Rangers home kit was launched in the summer the press went into overdrive in order to give them as much free advertising as possible, thereby giving sales a much needed shot in the arm. If the Gers are going to get out of this £50 million hole their in they're certainly going to have to shift a few strips aren't they?

One of the advertising features saw a clearly bemused Nell McAndrew modelling one of the strips. As it said in a well known tabloid, "Nell, recently voted one of the world's sexiest women, was in Glasgow to launch the new Rangers strip. She is pictured in the new ladies' jersey, which is based on the design of the main shirt but tailored to fit the female fan, with a narrower waist, shorter length and curved hem."

Judging by some of the sights witnessed attending Ibrox I think there's going to have to be some drastic remodelling before the strips are going to fit.

The report went on, "The club put her name on the strip and the number 1. Later Nell was mobbed by fans as they scrambled for the new strip at the Ibrox Superstore."

I understand Nell is still in therapy as a result of this 'mobbing'.

Der Flopper

Trouble ahead in Hamburg as HSV announce that their General Manager will be looking for a new job at the end of this season as a result of the Bundesliga club not renewing his contract. One of the reasons cited by the directors is his profligacy with their money in the transfer market, most notably the signing of Jorg Albertz from Rangers, described in Kicker magazine as, and I quote, "ein flop".

De Boor

"I didn't know what Scottish people were like before I came to Rangers, but I like them. They seem a bit like Dutch people in that they seem well brought up, friendly and are very respectful towards their fellow human beings."

This was Ronald de Boer as quoted on his website. Could it be the same friendly and respectful Ronald de Boer who was involved in a road rage rant outside Kirkhill Primary School in Newton Mearns, near Glasgow?

As reported in the Sun, "The midfielder hurled foul-mouthed abuse during the incident, which reduced young children who witnessed it to tears. The target of de Boer's four-letter tirade was Bernie Little, who once played as a striker for Celtic. Both men were dropping off their children at the school when the Rangers star parked his car three inches from Bernie's boot. Bernie asked de Boer to move back so the kids could get their schoolbags from the boot. But the Rangers star jumped out of his car and started to shout: 'F*** you. F*** you. You English b******.'

Bernie was so disgusted that he fired off a hand-written letter of complaint to Rangers secretary Campbell Ogilvy. He told Ogilvy: 'I feel it does great harm to the name of your club to have one of your top players behaving like this, particularly at a primary school. '

With the current efforts by the Old Firm to restrict sectarianism and racial abuse, he should not be saying things like 'you English b******'. It may serve your great club better if Mr de Boer does not behave in this manner.'

Ibrox security chief Laurence MacIntyre spoke to de Boer about the complaint and Gers boss Alex McLeish was informed."

big screen for hire

Also spotted in the Sun (although it wasn't given as much prominence as it might had it been Celtic that was involved) another wee snippet that lends further evidence to the theory that TFOD are now being run by the Celtic board of the Nineties. "CASH-strapped Rangers have hired out their stadium's big screens to raise much-needed funds. Fans at Ibrox won't be able to watch action during games or highlights at half-time until the two screens are back in place next month. A Rangers spokesman said: 'We send them out over the summer as we have no need for them.' The screens will return for the Hearts game on September 11.

The Rangers initiative follows recent allegations that some under-21 players have to wash their own towels and are denied free tickets for games at Ibrox."

off the basle

Looking for information on FC Basel in "European Football: A Fans' Handbook" I was sorely disappointed to discover that the Swiss section contained only a few pages, most of which concentrated on Zurich.

However, I was slightly amused to read that when opposition supporters visit the Hardturm, home of Grasshoppers (remember them? They gave the Huns one of their ritual Euro-humiliations a few years ago) they can often be heard to sing - in perfect English it must be said - "Can you see the Hoppers hop?"

I still don't know what the answer to that is because apparently the song fades out before the "I canÕt see a..." bit.

I also noticed that the Grasshoppers catering staff also do their best to provide regional cuisine appropriate to the visiting team whenever they play a European tie. The paella produced for the Real Madrid match in 1996 was a great success, but the best they could for the visit of the Huns was something called "Rangers Stew", which, as it turned out, was exactly what the Hoppers made of their visitors.

Obviously nobody informed them that in order to cater for the gastronomic requirements of the denizens of the Death Star all chef had to do was lay on some indigestible carbohydrate stodge and call it a "Loyalburger" or some such.

TOODLOO THE NOO
The Earwig

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