we hear that...

Hard as... or thick as?
November saw the ‘exclusive’ serialisation in the Daily Rectum of a new book by the loathsome Graham Roberts, erstwhile conductor of the Billy Boys at Ibrox and convicted fellon as a result of his altercation with the saintly Frank McAvennie during a particularly boisterous Glasgow derby.

Amongst the revelations in the ‘explosive’ book - entitled ‘Hard As Nails’ just in case anyone might confuse Roberts with someone of a sensitive disposition - was a story of how Mrs R had been “reduced to tears by life with the Old Firm”: ”Her husband made his home debut for Rangers and she was told off for having green shoes on the couple’s three-year-old daughter, Hollie.

Roberts said: “My debut was against Dundee United on Boxing Day and Ann was keen for us to be accepted at the club and in our new country. She bought Hollie a tartan dress, but it was the Black Watch tartan. It was a mixture of green and blue. Ann completed the outfit with a pair of green shoes for Hollie and was as proud as punch when I left her at the hotel. There’s a special lounge at Ibrox for the families of players and staff. There’s always that awkward moment when you walk into a room and don’t know anybody but when the ice was finally broken Ann’s world fell apart. A woman reprimanded her over the colour of our child’s shoes and pointed out, politely, that green wasn’t appropriate for Ibrox. Ann was cut to the bone and broke down in tears after the game. I’d only played one game for Rangers and she wondered what we’d let ourselves in for.”

Lo and behold, a mere few weeks later he’s conducting a sectarian chair in a lusty rendition of the Billy Boys. What a fast learner Graham must have been.

protest and survive
More rumblings down at Mordor, with another protest being planned following the demonstration outside the BBC studios on the Clydeside which attracted a huge turnout of 35 - and that was on the day of a home game for them, just ten minutes away (see NTV 168).

This time it’s yet another of the organisations they’re so fond of forming - the Vanguard bears - who are up in arms about anti-Rangers reporting at the Beeb. Therefore the entire perma-raging Rangers community is being invited in a statement released to the press (which they’re also very fond of doing), “to join together as one, in support of a common cause... It is our belief that the Rangers Supporters Community has to join together in order to fight this agenda against the club... One of the most vociferous series of attacks on the club has been by BBC Scotland, who have continually targeted the club and the support in a clearly unbalanced manner.”

To prove their point, the bears have compiled a dossier of their grievances against the BBC, and pretty compelling stuff it is too. For sheer bias, how could any self-respecting Rangers supporter sit on their sofa and listen to, “Richard Gordon, during his show covering the Transfer Window in 2005, using a racist comment to describe former Rangers player Filip Sebo, joking that he had been “sold to Edinburgh Zoo”’

Or, “Sending 88 Staff from the BBC to Seville at licence payers expense, with only a handful present in Manchester.” (Were the rest taking cover or something? Did Kate Adie’s fee use up most of the budget??)

Or worse still, “The victimisation of Alex Rae following his 50-50 tackle in a Rangers European tie against CSKA Moscow, and submitting footage of the tackle to UEFA.” (actually they do have a point there seeing as Rae used 50% of his total number of feet and the Moscow player only had 50% of his head exposed to the onrushing boot)

But by far the worst example of this anti-Rangers agenda, as identified by the bears themselves is this: “The disappointment in Kheredine Idessane’s voice when he announced that Rangers had been found ‘not guilty’ by UEFA.”

How do you measure the disappointment in someone’s voice? And, by the same token, can you measure the unadulterated respect and awe in James Traynor and Chick Young’s demeanour when they sit at the court of Sir Minty in the same way? When you look up the definition of Paranoia this quote should be mentioned. Someone really should explain the difference between ‘disappointment’ and down right ‘disbelief’ to them.

green is the colour
It’s enough to make any real True Blue move to Larkhall, so it is. At least you know where you stand there.

But wait... What’s this, from the Independent on Saturday November 1st? Mark Hughes is reporting that Asda are thinking of opening a store in Larkhall. For the benefit of his English readership, who might not understand the subtle nuances that David Murray hints at, nor indeed the things that can’t be mentioned at all, Hughes has to explain that the locals won’t be happy because the Asda logo is green and yellow: “Companies setting up shop are forced to change their livery. Traffic lights are smashed in defiance. It seems astonishing that a town could detest something so much, but Larkhall does. For it is green that provokes so much ire in this Lanarkshire town just outside Glasgow. Yes, the colour. So far, the contempt with which the emerald tint is held in the town has prompted the sandwich chain Subway to change its traditional signage to black and the local pharmacies to switch their frontage to blue. The reason is simple, if slightly strange, and stems from sectarianism and football rivalry. In Larkhall, green is immediately associated with Catholicism, Irish republicanism and the football team Glasgow Celtic. And in Larkhall, the vast majority of people proclaim themselves to be Protestant, unionist, and supporters of another Glasgow football team, Rangers.”

Good old Asda, though, have adopted a no surrender policy and are making defiant noises about not changing the colours on their logo. “But that has not gone down well,” writes Hughes, “Because the new store, should it be built, would bring a rare flash of green to the town. Wander down the streets, home to the town’s 15,000 residents, and only one front door is green. Traffic lights, with their green bulbs, are another victim. Between 2004 and 2007, 205 sets of traffic lights were smashed, costing the council nearly £17,000 to repair. There have even been claims that drunken youths have attempted to set fire to grass. In 2002, the branches of Moss Pharmacy in the town changed their colours from green and white to red, white and blue. There have also been reports that Telewest phone boxes – originally green – were vandalised and reappeared blue. And while a local chain of Indian restaurants has a green and white livery elsewhere, in Larkhall it is blue and white. But perhaps the most high-profile example of the town’s hue-hatred came in 2006 when Graeme Dott, one of Larkhall’s most famous sons, won snooker’s world championship. The tournament is sponsored by 888.com, whose colours are green and white. Dott refused to show the trophy at Ibrox Park, home of Rangers, unless the ribbons were swapped for blue.”

“Doing everything we can”, indeed.

Toodloo the noo and Merry Christmas
THE EARWIG

 

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