July 2004

Wednesday 21st Celtic View day and the club's official organ has a four page spread on how Celtic managed to achieve first place in the World Club Ranking table as produced by the International Federation of Football History and Statistics for the year July 2003 - July 2004, the first Scottish club ever to achieve such a feat. Rangers also rate a mention by virtue of slipping down ten places in the table from 50th to 60th.

Having knocked back the chance to stay at Parkhead for yet another year of trying to get into the first team, Jamie Smith signs for Dutch side Den Haag.

Now that Lorenzo is away, Dado Rso seems to have taken over his part trick whereby reporters have simply to lift the pony tail and let the pony's arse let rip: 'It is a reality that Rangers will win the title this season', he tells the Daily Record.

Thursday 22nd One time signing target Marcio Amoroso at long last responds to his invitation to accompany Celtic on the pre-season tour of the USA by telling reporters, 'I will sign for Birmingham at the end of July.' Now that the way is clear for Rivaldo to take his compatriot's seat the former Brazilian World Cup winner pops up in Athens to sign for Olympiakos.

Friday 23rd Reports in the media suggest that Celtic are about to sign Wolves' Senegalese one-time African Player of the Year Henri Camara on a year's loan deal. Good news on the injury front is that Shaun Maloney's doctor has told him that he could be ready to make his come back in October rather than December.

On the eve of the pre-season friendly in Seattle against Chelsea, Stamford Bridge new boy Paulo Ferreira admits that Porto did indeed resort to rolling around the floor in simulated agony against both Celtic and Manchester United.

Saturday 24th Ibrox director Dave King takes time out from caddying for Gary Player to tell hacks that 'To be the best in Europe is nothing more than a pipedream for Rangers until the current revenue situation changes... We can't spend money we aren't earning'. All of which I think translates as 'We're skint'. None of which was given too much prominence in the Daily Record, although Scotland's biggest selling Rangers fanzine did feature an interview with Stevie Chalmers, choosing to highlight the Lisbon lion's comment that, 'Martin O'Neill will leave for pastures new one day.'

The Sun, amongst others, reports that Celtic have opened talks about taking Newcastle legend Alan Shearer to Parkhead.

In Seattle Celtic lose by 4:2 to Mourinho's Chelsea. Craig Beattie scores twice for the Hoops but thankfully doesn't get too carried away: 'Someone's got to replace Henrik and if I didn't believe I could do it there's no point in me being here.'

Sunday 25th Andy Duncan of the Sunday People reveals that, 'Sir Bobby Robson is ready to let Alan Shearer leave St. James' Park and end his career at Celtic'.

Monday 26th Now that his side has played both halves of the Old Firm in pre-season friendlies, Fulham manager ventures his thoughts on the relative merits of the two teams: 'Celtic look the better team and look stronger.'

Tuesday 27th The Hoops do their best to make Coleman look foolish as the defence capitulates in a 5:1 thrashing against Liverpool in East Hartford, Connecticut.

Marcio Amoroso's agent says the Brazilian is back on the Celtic shopping list, despite rejecting the club's offer to travel on the North American tour. Angelo Massoni claimed that, 'I have spoken with Martin O'Neill and maybe it can happen, because Amoroso still wants to go to Glasgow after seeing the other options.'

Tuesday 27th Despite an embarrassing defeat in last night's friendly it's heartening to see that the Daily Record has managed to keep things in perspective. Under another of their infamous 'Celtic in crisis' headlines and featuring no fewer than five pages and a similar number of broken Celtic crests, James Traynor gives over his column to an article on why Celtic should spend millions or 'go bust': 'The truth was always out there lurking behind the hype... which surrounded Celtic over the last two seasons but suddenly the harsh reality of the SPL champions' plight has been dragged into the open... With Manchester United next up tonight in Philadelphia what remains of Celtic's credibility could be stamped into the dirt.'

Thursday 29th Some good news from over the Pond at last as the Hoops beat Manchester United by 2:1, Craig Beattie scoring the winner. Does this mean that Manchester United are now in crisis?

More good news for Rangers supporters in the Daily Record which rehashes the previous day's main story in the Rangers News wherein the Eckmeister insists that he is 'Just two signings away from having his dream squad.' Given that his squad includes the likes of Bob Malcolm FTP and Steven Thompson we can only assume his 'dream' was the result of too many cheese sandwiches before going to bed.

Friday 30th Celtic finally sign Henri Camara on a year's loan deal for a reported fee of £2.25 million- a new British record - with first option to buy him at the end of the season for £5.8 million should his time at Parkhead prove successful. Doing his utmost to avoid cliches, Camara told the media, 'This is a dream for me.' We can only hope he goes on to develop as a player and that it all clicks into place for him to show flashes of his genius (That's enough camera puns - Ed).

In the draw for the Champions League qualifying round the Orcs are paired to meet one of the weakest teams in the competition, CSKA Moscow, seeded 31 out of 32, who have a UEFA coefficient of just 8.5, which is even worsethan Hearts!

Saturday 31st Francesco Totti (or Mr. Potato Head as we prefer to call him) scores the only goal of the game as the curtain is rung down on Celtic's pre-season tour of the States with a 1:0 defeat to Roma. After the match Italian coach Cesare Prandelli is invited to offer his opinion on both halves of the Old Firm having played them both in friendlies during July: 'Celtic is a better prepared team and a stronger team but Rangers are more of a hacking team.'

Diary compiled by SAMUEL PEPYS-SHOW and HACKWATCHER

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