january 2003

wednesday 1st Martin O'Neill drops another hint about when the saga over his future might be resolved.

thursday 2nd Celtic open the scoring at Pittodrie thanks to Henrik Larsson but when the Swede has to go off as a result thing go distinctly pear-shaped. Two points dropped as we go into the winter break.

saturday 4th The draw for the Scottish Cup made live on telly by Hugh Dallas, Jack McGinn and young actor Martin Compston (the latter undoubtedly saving many a TV set in Celtic households all over the country from having a half brick lobbed through the cathode ray tube) sees Celtic at home to St.Mirren and Rangers having to travel to Gayfield in January to play Arbroath. Can't wait.

sunday 5th Old habits die hard at the piss poor Sunday Mirror. The obligatory Martin O'Neill story ('Liverpool have targeted MON to replace Gerard Houlier... the Anfield board will move for O'Neill when the his contract expires this summer' - Ian Broadley) shares the back page with some wishful thinking about Rangers: 'Gers Swoop For Murray - Alex McLeish is planning to raid his former club Hibs and snatch Scotland star Ian Murray', writes Ray Hepburn. 'Hibs are desperate to hang on to midfielder Murray... but the Edinburgh club are heavily in debt and may find Rangers' offer too tempting to refuse.' Love that bit about the debt don't you?

monday 6th Robert Grieve in this morning's Sun exposes an evil Celtic plot to nobble the St. Mirren players the last time the two sides met at Celtic Park. In a scandal worthy of anything that beset Serie A in the 70s, Robert Grieve revealed that, 'Celtic tried to stuff St. Mirren by tempting them with a huge tray of pies the last time the two clubs met at Parkhead. Former Buddies boss Tom Hendrie had to tell his players not to touch the stodgy snacks before throwing them straight in the bin.' Curses, foiled (geddit?) again! Never mind, we still won the league without having to resort to the old poisoned pie trick, nor indeed the naked nubiles on the touchline distracting the hapless Paisley players.

Tosh McKinlay, acting as consultant for FC Basel's Turkish playmaker Hakan Yakin, says the player will be on the move before the transfer window closes and reveals that Celtic are one of the clubs interested in signing him, although 'There has been no official approach.'

Celtic and Rangers announce a new sponsorship deal with brewing company Carling which will come into effect as soon as the current deal with ntl expires next season. At a reported £12 million between them over the next three years the deal is basically the same as the ntl sponsorship although there are bonus incentives which were not revealed at the press conference.

tuesday 7th Colin Duncan in the Daily Retard reports that an Irish bookmaker has cut the odds on Martin O'Neill being manager of an English Premiership club by the end of 2003 from 4-1 to 2-1.

The transfer window silly season gets into full swing with reports that Rangers are linked with a 'shock loan move' for Arsenal reserve Francis Jeffers. Hacks are at pains to point out that Jeffers is worth £8 million. 'As far as the cash-strapped Ibrox club is concerned it might as well be £80 million. They're rooked and they can't afford to buy anybody', said a spokesman from Not The View who did not want to be named.

wednesday 8th The tabloids go to town with the news that Celtic fringe player Simon Lynch has signed for Craig Brown's Preston North End for £130,000. Typical of the coverage is Keith Jacksie in the Retard, who gives ample space for the youngster to pour his soul out then put the inevitable anti-Celtic spin on it, 'I had great dreams but Celtic never gave me the chance to prove myself'.

Meanwhile, Everton announce that they are in talks with Celtic with a view to signing Colin Healy.

thursday 9th Johnathan Gould joins Preston North End for an undisclosed fee. This unloading of two superfluous fringe players is described in some newspapers as a 'Parkhead Exodus'. Bob Marley would be affronted.

Celta Vigo player Peter Luccin is to be the subject of action taken by UEFA as a result of being caught spitting on John Hartson during the recent match in Spain.

Allan Thompson is handed a three game suspension by the SPL to begin with the league game against Dundee United on January 29th.

Celtic star of the late 40s and early 50s Jock Weir dies at the age of 79. He was the outside right in the first post-war Celtic team to lift a Scottish Cup (1951) but will probably be best remembered for scoring a hat-trick against Dundee at Dens Park in a game which Celtic needed to win in order to stave off the threat of relegation at the end of the 1947-48 season. In total he made 106 appearances for the hoops and scored 33 goals. His biography in 'An Alphabet of the Celts' notes: 'He played against Eintracht for the Schaeffer Trophy on May 30th 1951 when there was fighting in the crowd, fighting on the pitch and Jock told his marker Kudrass, 'I was paid two bob a day during the war to kill big bastards like you!'- RIP.

Lorenzo Amoruso's agent, Andrea D'Amico, claims that he has been contacted by Newcastle United with a view to signing his client, 'But I told them Lorenzo wasn't interested. He's happy at Rangers and when they want to talk about extending his deal again we will be delighted.'

friday 10th Gerard Houllier dismisses rumours that he will be replaced by Martin O'Neill at the end of the season while David Pleat, Director of Football at Spurs, denies that his club have any interest in signing Neil Lennon.

Newcastle manager Sir Bobby Robson obviously knows about big LA Blaw. 'His agent is a liar. You can quote me on that. It would be a waste of money. If we are going to look for a player we'll go for a top player.

saturday 11th FC Basel boss Christian Gross says that Hakan Yakin will not be available to any club until the summer.

The main Scottish tabloids both feature a bizarre interview with Jorge Cadete wherein our erstwhile hero is ostensibly pleading for Martin O'Neill to stay but which is little more than another excuse to put the boot into Fergus McCann. 'I only ever speak the truth', said Jorge, standing beside a used car, 'and when you see the problems Pierre and Paolo had you know who to believe.' Hmm, quite. He goes on to reveal that, 'Hopefully sometime in April I would like to organise a friendly match at Parkhead between Celtic and Sporting Lisbon.' Conclusive proof that Jorge is definitely a few budgies short of an aviary.

sunday 12th Top selling Rangers fanzine the Sunday Mail relieves the boredom of the winter shutdown with an exclusive interview with Mikel Arteta courtesy of 'Swoop' Guidi in which he begs Rangers to keep both hinself and Bammy at Ibrox rather than sell them both to ease the horrendous debt burden currently besetting the cash-strapped Ibrox club. Reminiscent of the articles which used to appear when Paul McStay was carrying the Celtic team around on his back and being encouraged to stay at Parkhead instead of moving to a bigger club to 'Fulfill his potential', remember? The Mail saw fit to subject its non-Hun readers to five pages of this (88, 89, 90. 91 and 92). Up came yet another Sunday breakfast. (Meanwhile, on page 77 Gordon Waddell used his column to encourage young Celtic players to follow Simon Lynch out the door)

 

 

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