february 2005

Tuesday 1st Bobo Balde has signed a new 4 -year contract to stay at the club: 'My heart has been with Celtic for some time and that was a big factor in my decision. I want to help Celtic try to retain the championship and again experience big European matches like we have done in the recent past.' Martin O'Neill added: 'I am absolutely delighted that Bobo has decided to stay at the football club. He has been an integral part of the team since he arrived from Toulouse 3 -years ago and he has become a firm favourite with the fans. I think I echo everyone's sentiments when I say how pleased I am that he is staying with the club.' Chief executive Peter Lawwell said: 'The Celtic board is pleased to be able to support Martin in retaining another quality player at the club.'

Peter Kenyon, the chief executive of Chelsea, is not convinced that the presence of Celtic and the Huns would economically enhance the Barclays Premiership. Kenyon said on Radio Five Live: 'They would bring with them very big support, but whether that adds to the economic enhancement of English football I still think has not been proven.' Kenyon also warned that there might be a long wait ahead if anything was to happen and that any plans for such a move were 'fraught with dangers and difficulties'.

Wednesday 2nd Interviewed in this week's View, Juninho has revealed he has finally held clear-the-air talks with Celtic manager Martin O'Neill: 'We had a chat, and I think it was good for both of us to speak about what was happening. He explained why he was doing what he was doing, and I told him how I felt. It was a nice chat, and it left us clear on where we were going. I don`t think there is any problem between us and I still hope to be a good player for him. I know I can get back into this team and show everyone why I am here. If I get back into the team that is what I'm sure I will do. I want to be a success at Celtic. There was the opportunity in January for me to move, but I wanted to stay and prove to the manager that he was right to bring me here.'

Craig Bellamy is the talk of the Toon today as a press conference at Newcastle provides Graeme Souness with an opportunity to stick the boot in, something he was wont to do as a player as well. Refusing to mention Bellamy by name, he said: 'The chap that's just gone has scored 9.3 goals a season in his time in senior football - half of those weren't even in the top flight. That's not good enough for a striker at a club like this.' Souness' old Liverpool mucker Terry McDermott, erstwhile Social Convenor during John Barnes' calamitous spell in charge at Parkhead was on hand to back up his boss: 'People who have been at this club [Newcastle] for 30 or 40 years have come up to me begging me not to let this fella back into the club. I have no axe to grind with Craig Bellamy. I've never met him and he's done me no personal harm. But in the six days I've been here what I've heard from many sources means I don't want to meet the guy. I've been involved in football all my life and with Newcastle since 1972 but I've never come across so much hatred and unrest over one person.' Bellamy turned down the chance to join Birmingham City in order to come to Celtic and Birmingham's owner David Sullivan wasn't very happy either. He told the Daily Rectum: 'Bellamy didn't turn down Birmingham because we weren't big enough for him. Celtic are a bigger team than us but they play in a crap league. Most of Celtic's matches are totally meaningless and they've even been knocked out of Europe this season.'

Friday 4th The Bank of Scotland SPL's player of the month for January is Chris Sutton while MON picks up the manager of the month award for winning four league matches in January and knocking Rangers out of the Scottish Cup.

Sunday 6th Good to see that the News of the Screws is giving Craig Bellamy a chance to settle in to his new surroundings, by sending a photographer to follow him round Glasgow as he does some shopping. He also features in a back page exclusive by Ray Ryan: 'Blackburn will make a £5 million summer move to end Craig Bellamy's Newcastle hell. It's understood the on loan Welsh striker has already told friends he is unhappy with the training facilities at Celtic.'

Scottish Cup weekend, so it's a day off for all the wee teams. Two goals in the first 10 minutes ensures an easy win at East End Park. Craig Bellamy is not risked on the plastic pitch but Stephane Henchoz makes his debut and rarely looked troubled. The day's real talking point is OFM's reaction to a comment made by Dunfermline chairman John Yorkston before the match. Replying to criticism of the pitch, Yorkston said: 'Bobo Balde's probably caused more injuries this season than our pitch.' At the post-match press conference MON wasn't happy: 'Those are disgraceful comments for a chairman to make. For a chairman to say that is in pretty poor taste. He should be hauled up for that.' Yorkston later claimed that his comments were 'tongue in cheek' and 'taken out of context.'

Scotland on Sunday reports that FIFA have handed Celtic and Rangers a glimmer of hope in their attempt to relocate to the Premiership in England by sanctioning two teams from China and Japan to play in Singapore's S League. Now a team from Cameroon wants to play there as well and a spokesman for FIFA is quoted as saying, 'Their associations came to us with their proposals and we gave it the go-ahead.'

Monday 7th In the draw for the Scottish Cup quarter finals Celtic have been handed an away tie against either Ross County or Clyde. Ties will be played on the weekend of February 26 with the Hoops match to be shown live on Sky.

Wednesday 8th Craig Bellamy scores twice as Wales give new manager John Toshack a winning debut with a 2:0 victory over Hungary in a friendly. Bellamy put Wales ahead with a free kick in the 63rd minute, curling his shot around the three-man wall and added his second 10 minutes from time when he powered in a shot from the right.

Aiden McGeady makes his full international debut for the Republic of Ireland in a 1:0 win against Portugal at Lansdowne Road. Speaking after the match his team mate John O'Shea compares the Celtic youngster to his Man United colleague Cristiano Ronaldo: 'There are definite similarities between Aiden and Cristiano. Cristiano is probably a bit more developed physically but that has come since he joined United. Apart from that, there is no doubt the skill level of both players is similar and very high.'

In another great bit of transfer business, the Huns have managed to offload Dragan Mladenovich to Real Sociedad on loan.

Sunday 12th Craig Bellamy's Celtic debut is postponed again after the SPL fixture at Inverness is called off because of overnight snow showers.

Didier Agathe is ruled out until the end of March with a persistent groin injury, having undergone surgery in an attempt to cure the problem which has seen him play just one game since the Scottish Cup win against Rangers on 28 November.

Monday 13th Appropriately enough, with Valentines Day coming up, Jack McConnell has been hosting a summit on the subject of bigotry with the goal of establishing a 'national plan' to tackle the problem, he said. Among the 30 organisations at the summit were Rangers and Celtic football clubs, the Catholic Church, Church of Scotland, and the Orange Order. 'This is a historic event,' said Jack, 'bringing together people who have never been together in one room before.' Ian Wilson, grand master of the Grand Orange Lodge of Scotland, expressed the opinion that Mr. McConnell was exaggerating the problem. 'I think sectarianism has declined over my lifetime,' he said. Lawrence McIntyre, head of safety at Rangers FC, said - with a straight face we presume - that the 90-minute bigots, who shout foul religious abuse for the duration of a football match, must be tackled in order to get at the real problem.

With John Yorkston having secured his gig at the forthcoming Glasgow Comedy Festival, Rangers manager Alex McLeish tries his stand up routine on the hacks as he maintains that striker Nacho Novo could soon receive a call-up by Spain coach Luis Aragones: 'Talk of Nacho and Spain isn't exaggerated. My contacts tell me Aragones admires quick, determined front men. He has still got work to do to reach the level of the Rauls of this world (pause for laughter to subside) but his determination is there.' It's the way he tells 'em.

Tuesday 14th Neil Lennon commences talks with the club over his future this week. He'll be out of contract in the summer and although he looks likely to be offered a one-year extension, with the performance-related possibility of a further year, he appears to be keeping his options open for the moment: 'The club have made it clear they want me to stay. It would be hard to give all this up and that's something I have to think about. There was no way I was going to leave during the January transfer window, but now we will sit down in the short-term future and discuss what I'm going to do. Playing abroad does appeal, but whether a club would be interested or not is another thing. England is another area I would want to look into. But, from a football point of view, I am really happy where I am.'

Wednesday 15th Craig Bellamy's welcome to Scotland gathers momentum thanks to a combination of Strathclyde's finest and the Daily Rectum. The former put Inspector Cluseau in the shade when they interviewed Bellamy and John Hartson after they had been accused of assault. The pair were released when it dawned on Plod that they had been with the Celtic squad which had travelled to Inverness for the postponed league game there, some 200 miles away from the scene of the alleged crime. The Rectum was only too happy to plaster this non-story all over its front page.

Thursday 17th Figures released today from financial analysts Deloitte have placed Celtic as the 13th richest club in Europe, in terms of income - a five place improvement on last year's figures. Celtic's income was estimated at £69 million, a bigger figure than Lazio, Schalke or Marseille and more than £10 million ahead of Rangers whose income stood at £57.1 million. Accordingly, the SPL is on a par with La Liga as both leagues have two clubs in the top twenty. Manchester United, Real Madrid, AC Milan and Chelsea are the big hitters at the top of the pile, all having raked in over £140 m last year. A Celtic spokesman said: 'The figures for turnover are pleasing given the fact that there are only minimal media rights in the environment in which the club plays. And clearly this shows the contribution which is made by the fans and club sponsors,' which, roughly translated, means the fans cough up the money to make up for crap television revenue derived from playing in the SPL.

Friday 18th Dunfermline Athletic chairman John Yorkston has escaped with a warning from the SFA following his comments before the last Dunfermline v Celtic league game at East End Park when he caused OFM to blow a fuse over his remarks about Bobo Balde injuring more players than the Pars' plastic pitch. The SFA general purposes committee found Yorkston guilty of bringing the game into disrepute but rather than dish out a hefty punishment as they might have done had the words been said by a player or manager - say, somebody alleging Dunfermline weren't trying hard enough at Ibrox, for instance - they decided that a warning would suffice.

From the safety of Southampton Henri Camara blames Martin O'Neill for not giving him the chance to prove himself during his six-month stay at Parkhead. He said: 'I pushed myself to the limits, training by myself and waiting for Martin O'Neill to pick me because I wanted to prove I'm better than the players he preferred to me. But I don't know why he left me on the sidelines. They had some important games which they only won thanks to my goals.' For the record, the only decisive goal Camara scored out of the eight he netted in the Hoops came in a 2:2 draw at Dens Park.

The referee for the forthcoming game against Rangers is Mike McCurry who has been telling the hacks about his experiences of dealing with Scottish football supporters: 'Aberdeen fans send me dead rats in the post and that kind of stuff. Every now and again, you get that kind of thing, especially from Dons fans. After one game against Rangers or Celtic, some Aberdeen fans sent me chicken giblets.' Apparently McCurry is now waiting for somebody to hurl a recipe book through his front window.

Sunday 20th A bad day at the office as Rangers snatch a most unlikely 2:0 win at Celtic Park. Big Rab Douglas stakes him claim for inclusion in the next video of embarrassing goalkeeping howlers for the first while the Sieve refuses to be outdone by that individual error by gifting another one near the end. To make matters worse, some arsehole managed to hit Fernando Erection on the head with a cigarette lighter as he was conducting the choir behind the goal while he should have been taking a corner.

Monday 21st As expected the red tops go to town on the Erection incident, although little is made of the mayhem inside the part of the stadium occupied by the Rangers supporters where, according to witnesses, inside a toilet opposite a food kiosk, waste paper bins, toilet rolls and paper towels were set on fire and stewards were required to use fire blankets and fire extinguishers to douse the flames. A steward - ironically a Rangers fan - was assaulted and received facial injuries that required stitches.

Tuesday 22nd Media reports are circulating that Leicester City have sounded out Rab Douglas - out of contract at the end of this season - about a summer move to the Walkers Stadium.

Celtic reserves beat Rangers reserves 3:0 at the Shybury Exelsior. The Celtic reserve team features a European Cup winner (Lambert), a UEFA Cup winner (Henchoz) and a World Cup winner (Juninho). How's that for strength in depth?

Wednesday 23rd Talking to the View, Martin O'Neill promises to get the team to start banging in some goals in an attempt to address the goal difference situation: 'Sunday's result has left the goal difference looking pretty poor from our perspective. I want to see us piling on pressure until the end of every game and I'm sure that is exactly what we'll do. To cover every eventuality, you would certainly want to be looking at doing something about it. At one stage we were doing all right in that respect but obviously Sunday's result has resulted in a four-goal swing towards Rangers. That is something we definitely want to start addressing in the last 13 games.'

Thursday 24th Martin O'Neill has jumped to the defence of Rab Douglas following his weekend aberration as he confirmed that Douglas would retain his place for Sunday's Scottish Cup quarter-final against Clyde. 'There have been incredible remarks for days, especially from a sports psychologist who has been attached to Motherwell,' said OFM. 'He worked here for a bit, but I'm not even sure he knows Rab.' Psychologist Tom Lucas had claimed that the Scotland goalkeeper is a bag of nerves, while former Celtic goalkeeper Stuart Kerr blamed the keeper's error on O'Neill's chopping and changing of goalies. 'There's no dilemma about Rab, but the derby aftermath's been amazing,' said O'Neill. 'It's incredible how these people get wheeled out. If you are going to wheel somebody out, make sure it's at least somebody with a bit of pedigree or somebody who's done it - and not just somebody with a few degrees.'

O'Neill also had a dig at Kerr, adding: 'He was 18 when he discovered crisps. It's ridiculous. It was a bad goal to concede, but there have been bad goals throughout Europe through the course of this week... You have to be a bit batty to be a goalkeeper, but you take it on board and he is a pretty strong character.'

Sunday 27th After featuring pictures of Craig Bellamy out shopping a couple of weeks ago - suggesting that they might have creeps following him about - the News of the Screws goes one better this morning with a front page 'Scottish Exclusive' by Jacqueline McGhie under the giant headline 'love rat Bellamy in sex shame - Hoops ace cheats on girlfriend for two years with 34DD lapdancer.' Given that Bellamy has only been a 'hoops ace' since January the story should possibly more accurately have been about 'Newcastle ace' Bellamy, but it was steamy stuff nonetheless. Amongst other things, the young lady revealed that: 'He bought me a £200 bottle of champagne and we sat around chatting. At the end of the night we went to my mate's house... before I knew it we were ripping each other's clothes off... He stripped me to my waist and just stared at my boobs... He said they reminded him of the Rangers defence...' (made that last bit up. Apologies to the Screws for mocking their entry for this year's Pulitzer Prize for serious investigative journalism). In case anybody's wondering, this all happened in 2003.

In another Screws exclusive, James Mulholland reports that Rangers goalie Allan McGregor has been interviewed by police after allegations that following a drunken night out when he locked himself out of his flat, he phoned the concierge and threatened to cut his head off if the man didn't get out of bed to help him unlock the door.

In the afternoon Celtic progress to the quarter-finals of the Scottish Cup thanks to a 5:0 victory against Clyde, most notable for Shaun Maloney's comeback, a rare double for Stan Varga and Craig Bellamy's first goal for the Hoops. 'I love getting my hands on big cups', the Welshman didn't tell the News of the Screws reporter.

A post-match storm in a DD cup ensues when Clyde midfielder Darren Sheridan accused Bellamy of taunting him about his wages: 'You'll be doing my garden in the summer', Bellamy is alleged to have told the veteran Clyde player. 'I can't believe he'd say a thing like that. Bellamy's a shrubbery fella', said a spokesman for Not The View, who was promptly sent out to do the garden.

In the evening the BBC airs its Panorama documentary entitled 'Scotland's Secret Shame'. Reporter Samantha Poling uncovered the terrible secret that some people in Scotland are sectarian. Thank goodness that's out in the open. What is generally a pretty feeble documentary, turns out to be a PR Titanic for the Death Star. Among the lowlights are two sequences featuring David Murray. In the first he's asked by Polling about supporters of his club making Nazi salutes (captured on camera and broadcast to the nation):
DAVID MURRAY: I think that we have some singing that is unacceptable, we have some actions that are unacceptable and we're working hard at all times to endeavour to eradicate that. POLING: Have you seen the salute that they make?
MURRAY: No, not specifically, no.
POLING: You haven't seen it?
MURRAY: No.
POLING: Every game I've been to...
MURRAY: Maybe you're looking for it.
POLING: ... there's been hundreds of fans...
MURRAY: I go to the football match to watch the football and if an incident is reported to me I can comment on it, but I don't see these things, no.

Later, Murray is asked about the 'Fenian blood' song:
POLING: What would be the message to the fans who on Sunday's game stood on the terraces in their thousands and sang the most offensive, vile, hateful songs and chants, out and out religious hatred? What will you say to those fans?
MURRAY: I will say sing your songs by all means, but if you put an anecdote of religion or bad language or stuff like that, I say it's totally unacceptable.
POLING: Did you hear these fans?
MURRAY: Of course I did. I'm not denying it.
POLING: Are you not ashamed of them?
MURRAY: No, what I've said is it's totally unacceptable. POLING: Are you not ashamed of them?
MURRAY: I wouldn't use the word ashamed, I just say it's totally unacceptable. I think that there's no place for that in society today.

Diary compiled by SAMUEL PEPYS-SHOW and HACKWATCHER

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